My Journey

Setting the Example of Discipline

2011-07-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

I have come to realize, of late, that I am failing in a very important area of parenting-discipline. Not the discipline you typically think of with children, that being reprimanding for ill behavior; but discipline in my own life. Discipline of finances, of words, of scheduling, of housework, etc.

I lack discipline in many areas of my life. I blame it on the different seasons we all go through...it's summer-the kids are out of school, I am traveling more for work, it's the holidays...and so on and so on. The truth is, that it is so important to model discipline in life to our children so that during these seasons of change, they see that some things are constant.

I have determined that a new approach is needed...a "less is more". Cutting back on the "things" in life-clothes, cable, cell phones, etc.-and doing without for a time. Then slowly adding back in what is truly necessary and appropriate to our lives. I believe that a good way to successfully increase the discipline in my life is to reduce the amount of "stuff" I have to manage. Once I can manage a small amount, then I can slowly increase if necessary.

Transparency

2011-07-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

So you think you had to keep this up

all the work that you do.

So we think that you're good

and you can't believe it's not enough.

All the walls you built up

are just glass on the outside.

-"This is Where the Healing Begins", 10th Avenue North

Perception has always been very important in my life. Growing up, it was always important to "put on a happy face", and "be on my best behavior". Don't get me wrong, I have wonderfully parents who love me and raised me well, but perhaps put too much value on outward appearance and taught me to guard my inner-person just a little too much.

We, as humans, have a self-preservation instinct that often prevents us from putting ourselves in vulnerable situations. This can be a good thing, like when your self-preservation instinct tells you not to step in front of a moving vehicle. But it also results in a certain lack of honesty and truthfulness about who we are and what we are about. Being honest about one's beliefs and feelings often results in vulnerability which is contrary to our self-preservation instinct.

But as Christians we are called to die to self, and we are called to a certain level of honest transparency in our thoughts, feelings, and actions. God has given us a beautiful gift in the family of believers, but we have to be open and honest to share and enjoy that gift. Sharing of ourselves is often scary and sometimes, but we cannot enjoy the gift God has given us in brothers an sisters in Christ, without some level of vulnerability. To get help with our problems, we have to be willing and able to acknowledge and share them with others. In turn, we also have to be willing to share of ourselves to help others.

The walls we build around our hearts to "protect" us only serve to prevent others from getting in...sometimes even Christ himself.

Little Moments

2011-05-09T12:20:00.001-07:00

I have been reminded, lately, to remember to find joy in the little moments of life...

Riding in the car with the windows down on a beautiful afternoon with my family listening to country music turned up loud.

Being able to work from home when I have a sick child.

Watching the kids play in the backyard while I wash dishes in the kitchen.

Singing to my girls every night when they go to bed...and always getting an "encore" request! (Even when I am on the road, I call and sing!)

Laying in bed listening to sound of my husband's breathing (okay...sometimes snoring, but we will go with breathing here!)

Frozen custard with good friends on a Sunday afternoon.

Waking up every day to the family and life God gave me.

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily "living" of life...grocery store trips, school, work, soccer practice, cooking, laundry, etc. But in those moments, I find my joy! My goal is to find something every day to be joyful about...some little moment that takes my breath away.

Things I Learned From My Mother

2011-05-08T14:05:00.001-07:00

As I have grown older, becoming a wife and mother myself, I have realized what an amazing woman my Mother is. Although she may not think so, I have, over the years, gleaned a vast amount of knowledge of what it is to be a wife, mother, and woman of God from her (although the practical application of this knowledge continues to be a challenge to me!).

She has taught me....

...to be genuine and sincere.

...to be a gracious hostess.

...that ladies never yell.

...to think of others first.

...that in a family, the marriage relationship and thus, my husband, must be my top priority, second only to my relationship with God.

...that vows spoken before God are not to be broken...period.

...that honesty is priceless.

...to love people, all people, regardless of race, creed, or religion.

...that life is not fair, and I should be thankful for that...otherwise God would not have sent His son to die for me.

There are so many things my Mom has taught me, and I am still learning from her, every day. If I had to choose one thing she has taught me that has helped me the most as a wife and mother it would be this...if I was a perfect person (or parent), I would not need a perfect God.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with this truly amazing woman. I am grateful every day that she made the CHOICE to have me in her life. Your hand in the path of my life is clear from the very beginning, that You chose her to be my Mother. -Amen

Coming Home

2011-04-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

"So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:6-8

I have been traveling a lot for work lately and it has been a challenge for both me personally and for my family. Coming home after a business trip is a mix of emotions, joy, frustration, exhaustion, trepidation...

I have struggled greatly to stay in a close, personal relationship with Christ. Often, lately, I feel far away from my life...the physical distance of being away as well as the emotional separation from my family and the Lord. I struggle to reconcile my "work" self with my "home" self...I have yet to figure out how to be one "Meridath".

But the words in 2 Corinthians 5:6-8 remind me that my true home is not here on earth and when I become too comfortable in this world, I am straying far from my Father in Heaven...from my true home. I am encouraged to work to reconcile my life to one, consistent, Christ-centered existence. To truly serve Him, whether at home or at work.

Frustration

2011-03-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

I have failed to submit over and over these past couple of weeks. I know I am not following God's will for my life and I am choosing self-satisfaction (which is strangely unsatisfying) over self-sacrifice. I have come to realize that when I get upset and angry with my husband or my children, that usually I am truly just angry with myself, and that has never been more clear than in the past few days.

I am frustrated that I cannot be at home with my children, and jealous of my husband, who will be homeschooling them next year. I have failed to submit to God's will that this is the season of my life, this is His plan for me now and there is a purpose in it.

I am frustrated that we have not grown our family either through adoption or naturally...we both desire more children. I have failed to submit to God's will that this is the right size for our family right now. I have failed to submit to my husband in that he is not ready to consider adoption right now.

Quitting my job or getting pregnant or starting the adoption process would not solve my frustrations, however. Until I submit to God's will and learn to be content with what He has given me NOW, I will never understand true joy and never feel completely satisfied. I must seek my satisfaction in Him, not in the fulfillment of my own selfish desires.

Kind Words

2011-03-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

I was convicted by my sweet 5-year old daughter, Emma this weekend. She asked if my husband and I still loved each other like we did on our wedding day, to which I replied "yes, of course". Then she asked why we didn't speak nicely to one another...hmmmmm. We both tend to have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and I could see that we have not often spoken "nicely" to one another.

I have been praying for my husband as part of my daily devotional for the past couple of weeks, and the prayer for today was regarding his speech. I have often found as I work through the "31 Days of Prayer for Your Husband" that I am convicted of the very things I am praying about for him! Today was no exception...

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:31-32

So my goal, dear friends, is to speak only kind words. To be quiet and submissive and edifying to my husband. I will not be upset or angry if his words do not change right away, I will not let his actions determine my own...I can only change me, God must do the work in Rick to change his words, and Rick must be willing to accept God's work in him. But I can set a good example for my daughter and I can change my words and my heart.

Sisters

2011-02-25T10:34:00.000-08:00

"Help one another, is part of the religion of sisterhood" -Louisa May Alcott

"In thee my soul shall own combined the sister and the friend" -Catherine Killegrew

"Children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, that no subsequent connections can supply" -Jane Austen

"Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart-oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape-of your sister" -Katherine Mansfield

"The mildest, drowsiest sister has been known to turn tiger if her sibling is in trouble" -Clara Ortega

"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend of the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life" -Isadora James

For my sweet girls, Emma & Mackenzie. Always love one another, God has given you a beautiful gift in one another.

My Refuge and Fortress

2011-02-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

It has been a rough week for me this week. I have been sick and have gotten behind in my housework. Rick had an outpatient pain management procedure on Tuesday, and although this is not the first one and the procedure is rather routine, I was surprised by how anxious and stressed out I was about it. The thought of anything happening to the love of my life just set me on edge for several days before and after.

During this time, I found strength and comfort in the words of David in Psalm 91:

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust'.
Surely He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday." -Psalm 91:1-6

My Valentine

2011-02-14T12:20:00.000-08:00

My husband and I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, we don't feel like we need a holiday to express our love for one another. But I do want to share a few things that my husband has done for me in the past week that made me feel special and reminded me why he will always be my Valentine....

-he filled up my car with gas this morning, just because he noticed it was low

-he brought me flowers last week...just because

-he gave me time to snuggle with my children at bedtime when I had been out of town, even though it meant he would not get to go to bed with me and would have to move them out of the bed later

-he was patient with me during a stressful time last week

-he did the dishes this morning after I left for work, even though I told him I would get them this afternoon when I came home

These are just a few ways my husband makes me feel special every day. I would encourage you to remember the things your husband does on a daily basis for you that may get overlooked and not wait for a holiday to celebrate those things and your love for one another.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Saturday Baking 2/12/11

2011-02-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

Chocolate Banana Pie

1 lg. package chocolate pudding/pie filling mix

1 frozen pie crust

1 large banana

Prepare chocolate pie filling per instructions on package, set aside. Bake pie crust according to package directions. Once cooled, add pie filling to pie crust and top with sliced banana. I know-embarrassingly easy!

Banana Walnut Bread

2 c. flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 c butter

3/4 c brown sugar

2 eggs, beaten

2 1/3 c mashed overripe bananas (about 4 bananas)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Lightly grease 9x5 loaf pan.

In large bowl, combine flour, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together brown sugar and butter. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.

Bake in preheated oven for 60 minutes. Allow to cool in pan 10 minutes.

Love One Another

2011-02-12T10:47:00.001-08:00

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

"We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification." Romans 15:1-2

We spent this morning helping a dear friend whose husband has been working out of town for many weeks. The men cleaned up the yard, and the women watched the children, did laundry, and cooked a meal.

I brought my oldest 2 children with us to teach them how helping a friend in need and sister in Christ can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience even when involves tiring, physical labor. I have gained such a new and wonderful outlook from this experience. The intention was to teach my children, but I feel like I was the one who learned the biggest lesson. It was such a blessing to help a friend and it has taught me that needing help does not indicate weakness.

Helping one another is the truest form of expression of God's love. Serving one another and helping one another is a continuation of Christ's own ministry! I am blessed to have had this opportunity.

The Best Is Yet To Come

2011-02-10T07:12:00.000-08:00

My mother recently told me a story of a woman who was dying. She knew she was dying, so she called her Pastor and said, "Pastor, I have but one request for my funeral...I want to be buried with a dinner fork in my hand." Well, the Pastor, thinking this was a strange request asked the woman,"Why a fork?". She replied, "When I went to dinner parties and the hostess said 'Hold on to your fork' as she was clearing the dishes from the course, I knew that the best part was still to come. I know that is what I have to look forward to now as well-the best is yet to come!"

What a beautiful reminder of our Father's promise to us!

"We give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all the saints; because of the hope which is laid up for you in heaven, of which you heard before in the of the truth of the gospel." -Colossions 1:5

"But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal." -Matthew 6:20

God has promised us a home in heaven to spend eternity rejoicing with Him! I can't wait to see what He has in store for us. Hold on to your forks!!!

Early Riser

2011-02-05T11:05:00.000-08:00

So, again, I am convicted...this time of oversleeping. Not that I slept particularly late this morning. But, being that it was Saturday, I hoped my husband would get up with the children and let me stay in bed for a while. I ended up getting up by 7:40 am, but that was after the rest of my household was up and rowdy!

"She also rises while it is yet night,

and provides food for her household,

and a portion for her maidservants."

-Proverbs 31:15

I totally blew that this morning. Note that it doesn't say "she also rises while it is yet night Monday through Friday." Hmmmmm....really, Lord, even on the weekend???

So I have two choices, I can choose to get up early and do my devotion, spend time in prayer, and prepare breakfast for may family with a positive and joyful attitude, thankful for my blessings; or I can choose to get up early and have a negative attitude and grump around and be snippy with those who love me. Either way, I am getting up early, so I might as well make it a positive experience!

So last week I started getting up at 5:45 am (the goal is really 5:30 am), and that went well...but now I need to carry that over to the weekends. I need to stop considering sleeping in a privilege, and view getting up early the joy that it is!

Kitchen Win!

2011-02-05T10:27:00.000-08:00

I am excited to say that I have successfully created a dish that changed pierogies from a food my husband completely disliked into one he enjoys and frequently requests. Kitchen win!

I use frozen pierogies, usually potato and cheese or potato and onion. I boil them for about 5-7 minutes.

Meanwhile, I saute onions (sliced thinly) in about 2 tbsp of butter.

Once the pierogies are done boiling (you can tell by the way they float to the top). I transfer them pan with the sauteed onions and cook for another 3-4 minutes.

These are great with kielbasa or other smoked sausage or by themselves for a snack.

Enjoy!

Not Now...Mommy's Busy

2011-02-02T16:51:00.000-08:00

I am so convicted today regarding the way I treat my children, the way I speak to them, and the example I have been setting for them. It has been so busy at our house since Rick went back to work full time. Add to that I have been travelling every week for the past 4 weeks and will continue to be out of town every week through the end of February.

But really, these are excuses...Psalm 127:3-4 says "Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is His reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth."

A heritage refers to something that is of value and is passed down from one generation to the next. Children are our valuable gift from our Heavenly Father, our inheritance. They are also a reward, not a burden, not an extra responsibility, but something to be cherished as a precious gift!

How often do I tell my children "just let Mommy do this, it's easier if you don't help"? (okay, maybe not those exact words, but you get the idea). How often do I send them out of my sight/way to play while I try to do housework, or work, or blog (ahem)?

I need to work so much harder in this area, to enjoy and cherish my children. To involve my children, to engage with them, participate with them. I need to stop viewing them as more work, a start viewing them as the joy and pleasure and reward they are!

Birthdays and Bedrooms

2011-01-30T13:56:00.000-08:00

It has been a busy busy month in our house! My little one, Kenzie, turned 3 on the 21st. I can't believe she is definitely not a baby anymore...as evidenced by the fact that she is also now potty trained. This is the first time in 8 years we have been diaper-free in our house!

We also moved the girls into the same room and decorated it for them. New beds, new paint and new bedding are all done. A re-purposed dresser and re-purposed hope chests are still in the works (hopefully to be finished by next weekend).

It has been wonderful to make a beautiful space for my girls to grow up together in....I am excited for them to start this new season of life!

Being a "Yes" Woman

2011-01-29T04:59:00.001-08:00

I have written a couple of posts on submission in the past, and it is definitely something I still struggle with and strive for.

In her book "A Woman After God's Own Heart", Elizabeth George talks about several ways to make submission a constant and consistent theme in our marriage. One of these is to "respond with a single positive word". The word she chose is "Sure!" (the exclamation point is important as the idea is to have a positive attitude as well). My words have varied from "absolutely" to "yes, dear" and "of course". But the idea is to always have a positive response to what your husband asks of you.

WHAT?! Always say yes? Well-I might as well just give up all of my opinions and personality now, right? The image that I get when I think of always saying "yes" to my husband is a scene from the '80s movie "Coming to America" (yes I know, I am seriously dating myself) with Eddie Murphy. He plays an African prince who seeks a wife in America after the woman who was chosen for him does not meet with his approval. In the scene, he is asking her what her likes and dislikes are and her response to everything is "Whatever you like" or "Whatever you want me to like."

This is NOT the idea behind a positive response and submission to your husband!

How often do we tell our children "don't tell me 'no'!"? We expect them to respond positively to what we ask of them because they are to respect our authority. How is that different than a wife's relationship with her husband. Ephesians 5:33 says "Let the wife see that she respects her husband." How can we expect our children to respect us as parents if we are not modeling this basic biblical principle in our marriage?

At the heart of submission is trust. I have to trust that my husband is looking out for the best interest of me and our family. But I have to remember that he is human and makes mistakes, so I also have to trust God. He does not make mistakes and I trust that He will intervene in any poor decisions my husband may make or at least provide a solution to the consequences afterward. I can trust in these things because I am blessed to have a husband that seeks God. However, God does not only call women with godly husbands to submit, He calls ALL women to submit to their husbands. If your husband is not seeking His guidance, you can still trust in the fact that you are a child of the King and He will protect you while you serve Him.

Love & Prayers!

My Kids Ate Broccoli!

2011-01-27T16:20:00.000-08:00

Well-I have to be honest, my kids love broccoli....but I am not always the best green veggie eater. So, at my husband's request, I found a yummy and simple recipe for cheese sauce that is great on broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes, and lots of other things.

2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp flour
1 1/2 c milk
1 1/2 c shredded cheddar cheese
1 tbsp mustard
salt & pepper to taste

Melt the butter over medium heat, then whisk in the flour to create a roux. Slowly add the milk until mixture is thoroughly combined and heated through. Add cheese and mustard and stir until melted completely. Add salt & pepper to taste and serve with your meal!

So yummy and easy!

A Peaceful Home

2011-01-26T18:11:00.000-08:00

Lately, our lives have gotten more hectic due to the fact that both my husband and I now work full-time during the day. With 3 children in either daycare or school and 2 parents gone all day, mornings and evenings can be rather busy around our house!

While this situation is not ideal, it is the season we are in and God has a purpose in this; so my job, as wife, mother and homemaker, is to make this as smooth as possible for all parties involved.

Some things that I have found helpful:

-always make sure the sink is cleared and cleaned before I go to bed and the dishwasher started.

-set the coffee for delay brew in the morning...there is nothing better than waking up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing on a cold winter morning!

-make sure clothes are out and lunches and book bags packed each night before I go to bed.

-when I work from home, I make an effort to be off my computer and cooking dinner before my husband and children get home. I want them to know that they are the priority by coming home to a warm, aromatic kitchen instead of a cold, quiet house.

-I do not get on the home laptop to check e-mail, blog, or just browse until after the kids are in bed and I have spent some quality time with my husband.

-my husband and I always make and effort to go to bed together.

-I try to make the bed every day, even if it is not until I get home from work (my goal is to get it done in the morning, though). A nice, neat bed is definitely conducive to a good night's sleep.

I certainly have not mastered each of these on a daily basis, but it is what I strive for to maintain a peaceful and happy home in this hectic season of life.

Love & Prayers!

Time For Change

2011-01-15T11:14:00.000-08:00

Wow...It has been a long time since I posted anything. I am not sure where this is going to go, so bear with me if I ramble a bit.

A lot has happened since November 2010, holidays, New Year, Rick started a new job, back to school, nursery school for Kenzie....and so on.

I am not big on New Year's resolutions, I think they can be overrated...and I tend to give up easily if a falter a bit, so I prefer to take change 1 day at a time. However, that said, I do have some things that I would like to change in my life, not just because it's a new year, but because NOW is the best time to make positive change-always!

I have joined an online devotion/bible study called "Chaos to Calm" at http://www.proverbs31sisters.com/. Learning to be the wife and mother that God calls me to be and to take my home from well...chaos to calm!

I have decided to change some of my more horrendous eating habits...so far, I have cut out soda. I would also like to see fast food go as well.

I have determined to make God the #1 priority in my life. I probably should have listed this first, as it is clearly the biggest and most important change, but...well, here it is. I want to spend time with my Heavenly Father every day. I want to seek His wisdom and counsel in EVERY decision I make. I want to give Him the respect and honor that He deserves in my life.

So here's to change and a fresh, new start. I am determined not to be derailed by Satan's seeds of doubt. I know that I will have days that I fail and days that I succeed. But I also know that God loves me on all those days, not just the good ones!

Happy New Year to all! I would love to hear about the changes you will have or desire to have in your lives this year!

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."

-Ecclesiastes 3:1

More Updates

2010-11-28T17:16:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately, we will not be welcoming our 4th child in July. Sadly, I miscarried last week. It has been a long hard road and we were very connected to this baby, especially after seeing him (or her) on the ultrasound.

I am, honestly, still struggling with God's purpose in all of this. I don't understand and sometimes the pain is practically unbearable.

I have found some refuge in the following verse:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made unto God

and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

Thank you all for your prayers.

My Christmas List

2010-11-28T16:54:00.000-08:00

'Tis the season for my children to start working on their Christmas wish lists. Usually it is full of the latest toys and electronics. Nerf guns and Nintendo games, dolls and dress up clothes. When I was a child I made a list every year, and always asked for a pony (I never got it, but I asked anyways!).

This year I have a list of my own.

Lord,

grant me the ability to "do good and not evil all the days of my life" (Prov. 31:12)
let me "willingly work with my hands" and "bring my food from afar" (Prov. 31:13-14)
give me the ability to "rise while it is yet night, and provide food for my household" (Prov. 31:15)
let me be wise in my purchases, "she considers a field and buys it", and use them for Your glory and for the good of my family, "from her profits she plants a vineyard" (Prov. 31:16)
let me "gird myself with strength and strengthen my arms" (Prov. 31:17) for I am but weak and frail human, my strength is only in You
let my "lamp not go out by night" (Prov. 31:18), let me continue my work at home until it is complete
"extend my hand to the poor" (Prov 31:20), remind me that there are those in need and give me the ability to give what I can and do what I can
let me "not be afraid of snow" (Prov. 31:21), let me be wise in my preparations for winter, whether it be seasonal, spiritual, or financial
let my "clothing be of fine linen and purple" (Prov. 31:22), let me take pride in my appearance, my hygiene and care for myself as I am Your temple and my husband's
give me "strength and honor as my clothing" (Prov. 31:25)
let me "open my mouth with wisdom" and let the "law of kindness be on my tongue" (Prov. 31:26)
let me "watch the ways of my household" and not "eat the bread of idleness" (Prov. 31:27)

Sweet Sounds

2010-11-20T15:46:00.000-08:00

"I love you Lord

and I lift my voice

to worship you

oh my soul rejoice

Take joy, my King

in what You hear

let it be a sweet, sweet sound

in your ear."

Are my words a sweet sound in God's ear? All of them?

When I am frustrated with my kids...

When I am sarcastic with my husband...

When I gossip and backbite...

I know I need to work on thinking about everything that passes my lips, does God take joy in what He hears?

I have been having a bit of a "mouth" problem with my oldest, and it made me think of this song. He learns to speak from the way we (my husband and I) speak to each other and those around us. I have been trying to teach him to act as if Jesus were always with him, because He is! But am I a good model of that behavior-not always.

Lord, let my words and thoughts be sweet sounds to You always.

Recent Events

2010-11-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed I have been quiet on the blog-front lately. We have a lot going on....okay, the big news is we are expecting our 4th child. However, this has not been an easy road these past 7 weeks. We thought I had miscarried a couple of weeks ago, but found out that our baby was still doing well at 6 weeks and 2 days on 11/11/2010.

Then, yesterday (11/16/10), I started heavy bleeding again (don't worry, I won't get too graphic). Short story of a LONG 24 hours is, 2 hospital visits, 3 ultrasounds, and 1 OB consult later...the baby is still there and they can determine a faint heartbeat. Unfortunately, there are some signs that miscarriage may still be forthcoming.

The bottom line in all of this, is that we are a firm believers that God is the creator of all life, and the decision as to whether this child will join our family here on earth on at home in heaven is entirely in His hands. We are blessed to have a good Christian physician overseeing our care and many dear friends praying that God's will be done.

Stay tuned for further updates...God bless!

Memories

2010-11-07T19:38:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about my grandparents this evening, remembering what it was like to be a little girl and visit them on their farm (which was really just 10 wooded acres with a small house, a garage, and a large garden). Both of Gama and Papa have been gone for many years, but my memories of them are some of the fondest I have.

I remember walking into the house through the kitchen door (no one used the front door) into a tiny kitchen. My grandfather used to get onion bagels from O'Brienstein's in Richmond, he would cut them in half and load them up with butter then broil them for 5 minutes in the oven, they were incredible! And I remember hand cut fries (with potatoes from the garden, of course) and applesauce sandwiches that my Gama would make me.

From the kitchen into the living room, the 2 recliners flanking a console table on which always stood 2 glasses of sweet tea, Gama's in her Waterford crystal and Papa's in his big orange plastic cup. There was a TV and a teal velvet sofa (which I slept on when I visited until they built the bedroom addition). The heart of the room was the wood burning stove that kept the whole house cozy in the winter and even cooked most of a Christmas dinner one year when the transformer blew and there was no electricity. Then onto the formal dining room, which seemed out of place in the tiny farmhouse with it's huge Queen Anne table and chairs, the china cabinet filled with Waterford and fine china, and the crystal chandelier.

When I was very small, there was only 1 bedroom, with a 4-poster bed that my Gama slept in...Papa slept on an air mattress in the living room. There was 1 small bathroom with a stand up shower in which I used to bathe with Life Buoy soap after long walks in the woods to rid my body of any ticks or chiggers I may have brought back with me.

When I was older, they built an addition of 2 large bedrooms, one for each of them, and turned the old bedroom into a room for my Gama's home dialysis machine. There was a small twin bed in Gama's room for me when I came to visit. I loved her big 4-poster bed the best as it was covered in down quilts and pillows. She always kept a table-top Christmas tree up in her room covered in silver tinsel as well.

Papa's room was smaller, but had his HUGE oak roll-top desk and library of VHS tapes...there was no cable out in the country back then so I would watch hours of movies. I was introduced to John Wayne, Judy Garland, Bing Crosby, and many other classics during my time there.

I have so many fond memories of that place and the people there. I am sad to have lost them, but glad to have had the time I did with them.

Hug your kids, your parents, your grandparents, or grandchildren extra close tonight. I know I would if I could!

2010-11-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

"Lead me with strong hands

stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

chasing dreams,

what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

that I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home,

but I still feel alone"

-Sanctus Real-

I have been thinking on these lyrics lately and how they apply to my marriage and my husband. I have come to realize how amazingly blessed I am to have a husband who, although is not perfect, strives for perfection in Christ.

"Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." -Matthew 5:48

Jesus teaches us to strive for the perfection of God, although we can never be perfect, He is calling us to be constantly maturing and growing.

As the wife of a godly man, I can trust in the Lord that, though Rick is not perfect and makes mistakes and has wrong attitudes, God has the ability to change these things and my husband is a man who heeds His instructions.

So in those moments that I am frustrated with Rick's anger or negative attitude (or when he leaves his shoes everywhere but where they belong), I know it is not my job to change him or chastise him, that is God's job. My job is to trust in God that He will make the necessary changes in me and my husband as we continue to seek His wisdom and guidance.

What Can It Hurt?

2010-10-23T16:13:00.000-07:00

Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,

whatever things are just, whatever things are pure,

whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report,

if there is any virtue, if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things.

The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me,

these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

-Philippians 4:8-9

The hit TV show "Glee!" seems harmless, right? A series about a high school glee club. Okay, so the cheerleader is pregnant out of wedlock and the teacher's wife fakes a pregnancy to stay married to him while he is lusting after another teacher....so maybe not so harmless. Then there are the photos. A recent photo shoot (no I will not post any of them nor a link to them...if you must see, then I am sure you can search and get plenty of hits) for GQ Magazine of the cast of Glee! has caused some amount of controversy. The photos are of the scantily-clad cast (at least the ladies are scantily-clad) in provocative and compromising poses. The argument is that these are not high school students in real life, they are actors and actresses in their mid-twenties and that gives them the right to do whatever they want with respect to posing and wardrobe, what can it hurt?

So we ask our tween and teen children to believe that these are peers, kids their own age, when watching the show....but then expect that they will understand that they are really actors that are much older and are able to do things that are not appropriate for the characters they portray on TV.

I think we are overestimating the ability of 12-17 year old childrento be discerning and underestimating the influence these TV stars have on our children.

It makes me think, how often do we say "what does it hurt, just this one time?" or "it's not THAT bad." How bad does it have to be for us to say "STOP", "ENOUGH"? God makes it clear that we are to guard ourselves from the influence of the world. We are to focus on noble and true. In a world that pushes young girls to grow up and dress older like small adults and value physical beauty and material things, we are called to keep our focus on Him and the treasures of heaven.

The wonderful thing is that this commandment comes with a promise...the peace of God! That is the beauty of our Lord and Savior, he demands much, but promises so much more than this world can ever give us.

So I challenge you to draw the line, to say "enough", to see that it DOES hurt, even just this once and it is THAT bad. Draw nearer to God and away from the world and enjoy the promise of peace!

Peace

2010-10-13T15:56:00.000-07:00

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,

with thanksgiving, let your requests be known unto God; and the peace of God,

which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts

and minds through Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-8

These are such familiar and reassuring words, but how often do we actually put them into practice. "Be anxious for nothing"...I know for me that is a huge obstacle! How often do I worry about finances, my children, health, work, all kinds of things. So often I turn things over to God in prayer only to take them back moments later.

Recently I have been facing an issue in my personal life that I have desperately needed to trust God with. Yet daily, I try to take it back and solve it myself. I worry over what may happen, even though I know I cannot control the future, only He can. Even though He has shown me over and over that He is in absolute control in my life, I let the lies of the enemy creep and foster doubt and worry in my mind.

That's the real truth of worry and doubt...it is spawned by the lies of Satan. The Great Deceiver will allow thoughts to infiltrate our minds and turn into worry and anxiety. Often they are disguised as the opinions of "experts" or even friends. The world does not encourage us to rely on God, it encourages us to rely on self, which is a prime opportunity for Satan to do his work.

But God has a beautiful plan for your life and mine. He does not want us to be anxious about our future, he has numbered our days and knows everything about our lives...past, present and future. He promises us peace, not happiness, not worldly things, but true and lasting peace. He wants to carry our burdens for us...will you let Him?

Falling in Love

2010-10-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

"It oughta be....

more like falling in love

than something to believe in

more like losing my heart

than pledging my allegiance."

-Jason Gray

Lord, I want to fall in love with You every day of my life. I want to lose my heart to You each and every moment. Let me meet you in the living room of my heart daily to fellowship with and learn from You. Fan the flames of desire in my heart for You. Let me choose You over all else.

-amen-

Lessons from a Sponge

2010-10-06T19:15:00.001-07:00

Okay...so I admit, I have let my children watch the dreaded of all cartoons...Spongebob Squarepants. But recently, I learned a lesson from our little yellow friend.

My husband and I determined over the summer that we would begin homeschooling our three children this Fall (ages 8, 5 and 2). However, with my husband attending Bible college full-time and working 3/4 time and me still working outside the home full time, we decided to send Logan (8) and Emma (5) to the local elementary school instead. We came up with a variety of excellent "reasons"...but looking back, they were really excuses. Needless to say, we are spending this year preparing to home school next year.

One of the many things I dislike about public education, perhaps the biggest one, is the drive to put children in a "normal" box. Standardized tests, large class sizes, and unbending teaching techniques encourage sameness, often referred to as "equality" (it sounds less intimidating that way). And if my child doesn't fit into that box? Well, we can label him or her with a disorder and medicate them until the do fit!

Don't misunderstand...I am not saying all teachers try to "equalize" their students. In fact, I think there are many teachers that encourage individuality and uniqueness in their students. However, those teachers are not supported by the administration of the education system in our public schools. I also don't think that ADHD and ADD are "fake" disorders, but I think they are over-diagnosed and medication is over-prescribed to make children more compliant and less active in the classroom.

So back to my lesson from Spongebob...on a recent episode he had a desire to become "normal" to fit in with his friend Squidward. So he changed his appearance, his living arrangements, his clothing, his job, his voice, virtually everything about him that made him an individual. The end result was that he was to "normal" for even Squidward!

So the lesson learned is..."normal" is not always better. In fact, God calls us to be outside the mainstream, to be "abnormal". We are sanctified by God, set apart as His children. I don't want to relate to a worldly culture, I don't want my children to fit inside a nice, normal box. I want people to look at me and my family and say..."what is different about them?". I want that difference to be GOD!

To My Husband

2010-09-30T17:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you, my love, for

...never leaving the toilet seat up

...always making sure my gas tank is full

...taking out the trash and cutting the grass

...killing spiders and wasps and bugs of all sorts

...running out to the drugstore to purchase things that most men haven't got a clue about and would die of embarrassment if they did

...going to the grocery store 3 times in one day to make sure I have all the ingredients for some new recipe I want to make

...eating that new recipe, even if it tastes as bad as it looks

...honestly telling me that my new recipe tastes as bad as it looks

...being a constant and steady presence in the lives of our children

...holding my hand, and my heart when we suffered the loss of a baby by miscarriage

...holding my hand, and my heart when we learned we were pregnant again and I was paralyzed with the fear of losing another

...holding my hand, and my heart when we welcomed our 3 beautiful gifts from God into this world

...patiently waiting for me to understand things when you have explained them more than once

...not saying "I told you so" when you were completely entitled to

Thank you, my love, for all of the beauty, joy, pain, laughter, tears, and love that has happened in our lives for the past 10 years. Thank you for the effort you put into our marriage daily to not only maintain, but make it better. Thank you for your faith in God and faith in His plans for our marriage.

Happy 10th Anniversary to the love of my life, my best friend, and soul mate.

The Easy Button

2010-09-29T16:41:00.000-07:00

When I am frustrated and at the end of my rope, I sometimes joke with my husband and say "Where is my Easy Button?"-implying that if I just had this big, red button to push, all my troubles would go away, just like on TV (because everything on TV is true, right?).

I think as Christians, we often think God is supposed to be our "easy button". If we believe and have faith, go to church, do good works, and live according to His word, life is supposed to be easy, right? But God's word tells us different...

"When times are good, be happy;

but when times are bad, consider:

God has made the one as well as the other.

Therefore, a man cannot discover

anything about his future."

-Ecclesiastes 7:14

Solomon is telling us to remember that both good and bad times are from God. He is always in control, not just when things are going well in our lives, but even in times of trouble and strife. But he also says "consider"...this implies that we are to take time, to ponder, to think deeply. God wants us to consider the bad times and linger in them, not always be looking for a way out or the next good thing to come along. Some of His greatest blessings come in time of trouble. To sum it up...God wants us to struggle.

I know...crazy, right?! Why would a God who loves us and cares for us want us to struggle? Shhhh...don't advertise that Christians don't always have it easy, it might discourage people from believing! Make sure you put on a smile and act like everything is perfect in your life according to the world's standards, regardless of what is true. Wait, what was that? Perfect according to whose standards? Oh...now I see, many Christians spend so much time putting on an image of perfection by the world's standards that they miss the plan God has for them! God does not want us to have the perfect, cleanest, most well-decorated house, the perfect, most well-behaved, clean and polished children (phew...that's a relief to me!), the best holiday meal, the newest car, the most prestigious job or title. He wants us to strive for His perfection...to be like Him!

"You therefore must be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect"

-Matthew 5:48

This scripture is telling us 2 things...one obvious and one not-so-obvious. It's like the law of science that says "every action has an equal and opposite reaction". The "action" is that we are to strive for perfection in God's eyes, a spiritual perfection. The "reaction" is that we are NOT to strive for worldly perfection. God is not impressed by your car or your job title or even your ability to keep it all together when everything around you is falling apart. He wants you to fall apart, because only in the moment of desperation when you finally realize that you don't have it all together, do you realize you need HIM!

So there it is...no more Easy Button references in my house. No more looking for a way out of the current situation, no matter how much I may struggle in it. It is time to linger in tribulation, to cry out to Jesus and lean on His strength where I lack strength, to strive for the perfection of my Heavenly Father.

Thankful

2010-09-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since I last blogged. I have been going through some challenging times and have felt.......well, uninspired. But lately I have been reminded how amazing and wonderful my God is. I don't have any words of wisdom or eloquent prose to share tonight, just pure, heartfelt gratitude to my Lord and Savior.

Recently I have been touched, indirectly, by several families experiencing illness or loss of a child and I am reminded daily how blessed I am to have 3 beautiful, healthy, strong children. But it has amazed me even more that through their trials, these families have remained not only faithful, but thankful. Then, over the past couple of days, I have been blessed with the most amazing gift from God, the ability to see Him working in every situation in my life and those around me.

Rick and I have been working with the children to help them see how God works in their lives daily, how He cares for every part of them, every aspect of their lives. We have been thanking God for our daily blessings...."thank you, God, for giving me the energy to get up and work all day even though I didn't feel so great this morning", "thank you, God, for giving me the ability to study my spelling words and do well on my test." Through this effort, I am learning to see where God is so good in every area of my life and the lives of those around me.

I am especially encouraged following the story of Matt and Sarah Hammitt (Matt is the lead singer of Sanctus Real) whose little baby boy, Bowen, was born with a severe heart defect and had to undergo open heart surgery at 1 week old. Their open and honest way of sharing their story, the good and the bad, has humbled me and inspired me to see my life through new eyes, thankful eyes. I have posted a link to their blog if you would like to share in their experience.

I have so far to go, but am so grateful to be on this journey and to be walking with a God who created the heavens and the earth--and a God who cares about my laundry and spelling tests!

2010-08-10T16:45:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never
without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your
doing,my darling)i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for
beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always
meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the
root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

Happy Birthday to my dear and wonderful husband.

When....?

2010-07-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

When does it stop? When do I finally get it?

I have prayed and begged, read my Bible, studied the scripture, sought advice from wiser, more godly men and women....when will I finally get it and start to feel like I am becoming the woman God wants me to be.

I am so wretched and sinful, selfish and angry and easily led astray. I hate those things about me that keep me from my God.

I am jealous of my friends who are pregnant...so much that it is hard for me to go to baby showers. All I can think about is the loss of my recent pregnancy (not so recent anymore...April 2010, but it is still so fresh and painful). Why can't I just be happy with the 3 wonderful children I have, and be happy for my friends who are experiencing this wonderful blessing from God? What is wrong with me?

I am so selfish with my husband....I expect so much of him, and he gives so much as it is, but I want more. What is wrong with me, why can't I see the blessing God has given me in a husband who cares for our children and works and goes to school? Why must I demand more and how much is enough?

I know that my walk with God is a continual journey and that I will never be "good enough", but will I ever feel less wretched, will I ever stop feeling worthless? When will I feel compassion and love instead of jealousy and anger?

Fruits of the Spirit

2010-07-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

I have recently been struggling with a situation at work that has exposed me to some negative attitudes in the workplace. I have long suffered with how to bring my faith into my work life. I often feel as though I have a split personality....Corporate Meridath & Regular Meridath. But Pastor Tim said something on Sunday that made me realize that the best way to show my faith and God's love at work is through the Fruits of the Spirit as outlined in Galatians 6:22-23.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering,

kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

gentleness, self-control.

Against such there is no law."

We can't always quote scripture, or pray in public, or even give our testimony of God's love to those we work with. But we can live according to His instructions and by doing so, people see that we are set apart from the rest of society. These characteristics usually result in the opposite reaction of what people have come to expect. When an employee breaks the rules or fails to perform at the expected level and we react with anger and retribution, that is what they expect from the world; but if we react with gentleness and self-control, it is not what they expect and they will possibly want to know what makes us different.

I know I have a lot of work to do on myself to make sure that I exhibit these qualities in the workplace, but I am so grateful to God for providing me a guide to show me the way.

Gentle Reprimands

2010-07-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

We are studying the Doctrine of Sin on Sunday mornings at church and today's verses, Genesis 3:8-9 hit home with me in regards to how we deal with our children and reprimanding them for mistakes and misbehavior.

"And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, 'Where are you?'." -Genesis 3:8-9

How often do we react in anger and frustration when our children sin? I know in my house, more often than not, we quickly react with angry words, raised voices and negative attitudes to our children's transgressions. But God did not react that way to Adam and Eve...he was calm and quiet. He sought them out and gently asked "Where are you?"...knowing full well they were hiding in shame. Should we not treat our children the same way? Calmly and gently seeking them out, clearly explaining what their transgression was and firmly applying appropriate consequences.

Proverbs 22:3 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Training means to teach and explain, to educate; we must gently teach our children the correct way to live by calm and firm reinforcement. Ephesians 6:4 tells us "and you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Anger breeds more anger and eventually resentment. If we react to our children, who are young and impressionable, with anger, that is what we will teach them and eventually they will grow to resent us for it.

I was troubled by an episode I recently witnessed between a mother and small child where the child came to her mother with tears of remorse for something she had done wrong and her mother's response was to react by spewing words of anger at her. Later, after putting the child in time out, the mother was kind and sweet explaining that the child had done wrong and had to pay the consequences of her actions. But I wonder what lesson that child really learned? I am by no means judging anyone for how they choose to parent or punish their children and I am certainly guilty of reacting with angry words, but seeing it outside of my home brought my own transgression of anger into clear focus.

Family Update

2010-06-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have posted an update on the happenings in our home and with our family. It is shaping up to be a busy, busy summer! We have re-planted our garden into pots as the spot we chose in the backyard turned out to be too shady. We have already harvested some tomatoes and the herbs are doing great, still waiting to see how the rest will turn out.

Rick is doing a great job at home all day with the kids, keeping them happy, healthy and entertained! Water play is a big part of every day since it has been brutally hot here in Central NC. We are working to prepare for Vacation Bible School at Edgefield later in July. After that the two oldest children are headed to Virginia to spend some time with their grandparents. Logan is also very excited about the prospect of spending a few days with his Uncle Sean on Ocracoke Island this summer.

Rick and I have purchased our first mini-van! I am now a proud member of the "swagger wagon" club...and I love it! More exciting--Rick starts classes at Piedmont Baptist College on July 5th. I am so proud of him and anxious to see where this journey takes him and our family.

That is pretty much all that is happening right now. We are grateful to God for every day that He gives us to enjoy one another!

Love & Prayers..

Becoming A Woman Of Excellence

2010-06-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

Becoming A Woman Of Excellence

A woman of excellence

Is what I long to be

Filled with Your Godly wisdom

So it is part of me

A woman of integrity

No matter what I face

Standing up for righteousness

And for Your saving grace

A woman of destiny

Living out Your plan

Knowing where You'd have me walk

Being guided by Your hand

A woman of promise

Standing on Your word

Holding on to all the truths

While carrying out Your work

A woman of compassion

For the ones in the dark

Those that do not know Your love

And have darkness in their hearts

A woman that will never

Compromise the faith

With what the world may offer

But will keep the narrow way

A woman who loves Jesus

And will follow only Him

Gladly to give up the world

So His light can shine within

Lord, this is my earnest prayer

As a daughter by Your grace

Grow in me these qualities

As I walk with You in faith.

~M.S. Lowndes~

Five Things I Learned From My Dad

2010-06-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

My father is not a man given to frequent or overt displays of affection. Until recently, I could probably count on one hand the number of times he had said the words "I love you" to me. But my father has given me more than hugs and kisses and pretty words can ever provide. Much of what I learned, I learned from my father. Not to minimize the role of my mother, but it is Father's Day and I am a daddy's girl at heart. I could write for days on everything I have learned from him, but I will keep it to the Top 5 tonight...

1) Take care of your family.

My dad has always worked hard to provide the things my mother and I needed (and, for the most part, wanted). His top priority was making sure his family was taken care of and safe at any cost.

2) Be honest in life and business.

In a day and age where honesty and moral values are often sacrificed for the almighty dollar, my father taught me that these are vital to good business practices and life in general. How you treat your fellow man, be it your neighbor or business partner, is more important than your net worth because it speaks to the value of your character. Even in situations where you are not treated with the same respect, my father taught me that you rise above the situation and never compromise your character. He always compared his behavior not to others in a similar situation, but to the best behavior that could be expected of anyone in that situation.

3) The right decision is not always the most popular decision.

I remember as a teenager several...okay many...times when I complained to my parents, "but my friends parents let her have that of do that!". But Dad stood his ground and did not give in (okay..maybe sometimes, but not often!). He taught me that what is good for others is not always good for me, and what others are doing may not be good for them either. He taught me to make my decisions based not on what was popular at the moment, but what was in the best interest for my life (and now my families life) in the future.

4) Save for a rainy day.

I did not learn this lesson until recently...very recently. I am of the firm belief that God provides for His children, both our spiritual and physical needs. But He also expects us to be good stewards of what He provides. Until recently, I had never considered what would happen if the next paycheck never came, I always assumed that someone (usually my parents or in-laws) would help us out if we ever became desperate. But I have seen that is an irresponsible and inconsiderate way to live. My father always saved for emergencies and just life in general...I am glad that lesson has finally sunk in!

5) People change.

Growing up, I did not receive a large amount of physical affection from my father. He was not a man given to hugs and kisses or even frequent "I love you" 's. But 3 grandchildren have changed my Dad! It is the joy of my adult life to see him interact with my children. They laugh and play and I see more hugs and kisses from him than ever before.

I pray daily for my father, both thanking my Heavenly Father for providing me with the blessing of a wonderful earthly father, and asking Him to open my father's heart to God's love and salvation.

Happy Father's Day!

Hard Lessons

2010-06-08T16:27:00.001-07:00

I often wonder why it takes me so long to learn the lessons God has for me....I am pretty sure He wonders as well. I grew up in a home where I had everything I needed, and pretty much everything I wanted as well. But my parents were not born into privileged families or given all of the best opportunities growing up, they worked and sacrificed for many years to be able to provide the lifestyle that we enjoyed when I was at home.

Unfortunately, that lifestyle often leads to expectations of ease and wealth in one's adulthood that are not entirely realistic. Although my parents tried to instill a sense of gratitude for what we had and understanding for how we got it in me....I never really caught on. I have been through years of financial struggle (and I am not sure when those years will come to an end!) because I never understood the "value of a dollar" (great...I just channeled by Dad!). I made risky decisions based on my personal, selfish desires without any thought to how they would impact me or my family financially.

My Mom and Dad are frugal---and that is putting it mildly. I used to tease my Mom about re-using plastic bags and tin foil (now there are 3 plastic bags in my sink waiting to be washed and re-used!). I never understood that it was because of their frugality that they could provide for me the way they did. I never grasped the concept of "saving for a rainy day" because I would rather spend it NOW! Even after I came to Christ and started reading my Bible and learning what He intended for me, I criticized my budget-conscious parents for putting their faith in money rather than God. But I was wrong....

Yep, I said it...I WAS WRONG! God does provide for His children, and I believe that with all my heart and soul and being, but God expects us to be responsible with what He has provided us. Our "back-up plan" has always been dependent upon the charity of our family and friends and I have come to realize that is not only selfish (incredibly selfish), but it goes against God's teachings regarding provision.

So now I am learning to find the joy in frugality. I love seeing how far I can stretch my groceries and how creative I can be in the kitchen preparing meals for my family. I enjoy seeing how much I have saved on my receipts when I use coupons or buy on sale. I have learned so much in the past year about what I truly need and what I truly just want. I pray that this financial drought will pass for us, but it may not...and that's okay, for I am content with what God has provided for us and am much more aware of what a true blessing it is!

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' " Hebrews 13:5

Prayer of the Busy Wife and Mother

2010-05-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

Having a Mary Heart and a Martha Mind

Lord of all pots and pans and things, since I’ve no time to be

A saint by doing lovely things, or watching late with Thee,

Or dreaming in the dawn-light, or storming Heaven’s gates,

Make me a saint by getting meals and washing up the plates.

Although I must have Martha’s hands, I have a Mary mind,

And when I black the boots and shoes, Thy sandals, Lord, I find.

I think of how they trod the earth, what time I scrub the floor:

Accept this meditation, Lord, I haven’t time for more.

Warm all the kitchen with Thy love, and light it with Thy peace;

Forgive me all my worrying, and make my grumbling cease.

Thou who didst love to give men food, in room or by the sea,

Accept this service that I do -— I do it unto Thee.

—Cecily Rosemary Hallack (1898-1938)

A Letter to My Husband

2010-05-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

Dear Husband,

I am but a mere mortal woman, flawed in many ways. I make many mistakes and errors in my attempt to navigate this life with you and our children. I am weak and afraid sometimes. I need you to guide me spiritually to become a woman of virtue. But I am resilient and strong as well. I am easily hurt, but quick to forgive. I need to hear that I am of value to you as well as loved by you. I am demanding, but I would give my last breath for you. I often wrong and mistaken, I need your guidance. I am also often right, and I need your acknowledgment. I fail miserably a hundred times before I get some things right. I often pick myself up and try again on my own, but sometimes I need you to pick me up and encourage me. I get angry and frustrated with you, and though I try, I cannot always hold my tongue when I know I should. But most of all, most importantly....I LOVE YOU. I love everything about you and every moment with you.

Love,

Your Wife

A Quiet and Gentle Spirit

2010-05-24T18:59:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been convicted by God (through several people) of my propensity to dominate a conversation. He has opened my eyes to the fact that I often lack a quiet and gentle manner when I have something I feel is important to say. I have discussed this before regarding listening, but apparently I have failed to completely change my spirit...so here I am again.

"The words of the wise, spoken quietly, should be heard rather than the shout of a ruler of fools." Ecclesiastes 9:17

Did God just call me foolish? Maybe...if so, I probably deserve it. Proverbs 31:26 tells us that a virtuous woman "...opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue are the laws of kindness." So this is telling me that speaking in wisdom, also means speaking quietly. Proverbs 29:11 says "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." So not only should we speak quietly, but consider carefully before venting our feelings. Words spoken in anger cannot be unspoken. We can apologize and be forgiven, but we cannot undo the hurt those words cause.

Our society is very "feeling" oriented. Humanism is defined by Wikipedia as "a worldview and moral philosophy that considers humans to be of primary importance." Our media is full of "self-actualization" and "self-esteem" and "self-discovery". People are encouraged to vent their feelings, no matter the cost to those around them. This philosophy has even found its way into our churches, carefully disguised in church doctrine, it is there nonetheless.

This attitude of "self" is the major contributor to moral decay in our country and our churches today. We open our mouths without thinking of the consequences to others, only considering serving our immediate need to share what we consider important. I am guilty of this...I have fallen into the trap of thinking that I have to have an opinion about everything and everyone needs to hear it.

But God teaches us to deny self, to die daily to self. The Bible teaches humility and servitude, characteristics not often appreciated in our culture today. We live in a culture that wants to take credit for all the good and place blame elsewhere for all the bad. Self-actualization does not include taking responsibility for one's actions. But my Bible tells me that I have no worth in self...my only value is in my personal relationship with God.

Elizabeth George uses a term "God"-confidence rather than self-confidence in her book "A Woman After God's Own Heart". Women are taught from a young age in our humanistic society to rely on themselves and to be self-confident. Parents spend unreal amounts of money for therapy for their children to build their self-esteem. But we fail to focus on the One who is the source of all confidence, value, and esteem.

I heard on K-LOVE this afternoon of a challenge to spend the next 30 days only speaking uplifting, positive and edifying words to others and to yourself. I would take it one step further and challenge you to not only speak positively, but to hold your tongue when you would normally not. Don't always be the one to share your opinion or comment on a conversation. Sit quietly and listen to those around you and you may gain more wisdom than you know!

God's Presence

2010-05-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a scary, but wonderful experience. Around 12 am, Mackenzie (my 2-year old) woke up wheezing and coughing and struggling to breathe and crying hysterically. She has had upper respiratory problems in the past so we have a rescue inhaler in her room, but typically her breathing problems are related to bronchitis in the winter. As I sat in our bathroom with the lights out and the hot water running in hopes that the steam would help clear her airway, she began to calm down and laid her head on my shoulder and said "sing, Mommy".

The song that came to mind was Amy Grant's "Better Than A Hallelujah"

God loves a lullaby

In a mother's tears in the dead of night

Better than a hallelujah sometimes

In that moment, singing those words and praying earnestly to God to protect my baby and help her breathe, I felt a calm, quiet voice say "I am with you". I knew that my Savior was there in that steamy bathroom, holding me in His arms as I held Mackenzie in mine. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face. I have never been so terrified one moment and so peaceful the next as I was last night.

"God is our refuge and strength; an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

What We Can Learn From a Duck

2010-05-09T17:45:00.001-07:00

Last night, as I was sitting in the parking lot at Harris Teeter, I observed a pair of mallard ducks...male and female. A couple (human) stopped to feed them some bread crumbs. I watched as the male duck cautiously eyed the woman scattering the crumbs then slowly backed away to let his mate eat. While she was eating, the gentleman (human, not duck) leaned down to take a picture at which time the male duck made it clear that he was too close to his mate. Once the gentleman (human, not duck) backed away, the male duck waited until his mate finished eating and then ate what she did not want.

What a beautiful illustration of a husband caring for the needs of his wife and protecting her from threats.

"So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife, loves himself." Ephesians 5:27-29

First Impressions

2010-05-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

I overheard a conversation today in which a woman was furious with a new acquaintance's husband for implying that she was not appropriate company for his wife because she appeared to be "high maintenance". Her argument was that he had only met her once and that was at a social gathering for which she had taken time with her appearance, more than she would on a typical day at home.

But it made me think...how often are we judged on appearances and within a few moments of an initial meeting. While it is not necessarily fair, it is a fact of life. I want my appearance to reflect who I am all the time, which means being careful to make sure I am reflecting God's image both inside and out.

"in like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works." Timothy 2:9-10

The instructions here are clear, our outward appearance should be indicative of our inner godliness and reflective of our good works. It is important to remember that the way we conduct ourselves and our appearance not only reflects on us, but on God and His people. I want to promote a positive, modest, respectful image of my God.

Heaven's Nursery

2010-05-05T19:09:00.001-07:00

HEAVEN'S NURSERY

In Heaven there must surely be
A special place, a nursery
Where 'little spirits' not fully grown
Go to live in their Heavenly home.

The angels must attend with love
Tiny spirits on wings of doves,
The choir of angels must sing lullabies
Maybe quieten their tiny cries.

The Father must come by each day
To cuddle and play in a special way
These tiny spirits left earth too soon
Little ones called Home from the womb.

These sparks of life did not perish
But came to the Father's love to cherish,
To grow and be taught in His own arms
Safely away from all earthly harm.

The comforter was sent to earth at once
To the parents who lost their little one
Their hearts so ache, their arms feel empty
The question 'why' seems so tempting.

Then all at once in the midst of tears
There comes a peace that stills the fears
The parents share the Father's own need
To hold their tiny spirit being.

They relinquish their own desperate hold
And release their baby to the Father's fold,
Then comes an angel to whisper the truth
Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit

Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father
A place that couldn't be filled by another,
Called to be spared from the struggles of earth,
Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.

So Father, whisper words of love from me
To our unborn 'life' in your nursery.

(From Above Rubies website)

Book Review

2010-05-05T15:03:00.000-07:00

Check out this book review at http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/?p=304. New book by Steve & Candace Watters "Start Your Family". I won't spend too long on it since you can read the review yourself, but it looks like a great guide to God's plan for families.

"The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing. But in our culture we apply for a curse and reject blessings. There is something wrong with this picture." Doug Phillips (Vision Forum Ministries)

2010-05-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

Oh what I would do to have

the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves.

To step out of my comfort zone

To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again "Boy you'll never win!"

"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story,

And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid"

And the voice of truth says "This is for my glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

("Voice of Truth" lyrics by Casting Crowns)

I have recently been feeling God's call to change some things in my life. In fact, over the past year, I have more and more often heard God's voice in answer to some of my many questions about what to do in my life. Questions regarding the size of our family, work, finances, church, education, and many others.

But recently I was faced with a conflict, a challenge to what I feel has been God's message to me and my husband regarding some of these issues. It made me think...what do we do when someone we love and respect and seek advice from, gives us advice contrary to what we feel is God's answer or God's calling in our lives?

I find many passages in the Bible regarding advice and listening to one's elders. Proverbs 19:20 says "Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days." I believe this is instructing us to listen to those older and wiser than ourselves, but I also believe that man is just man, no matter what, God should be our ultimate guide. The next verse in Proverbs 19 says "There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel, that will stand." (v.21). This tells me that I should seek guidance from people I trust, my parents, my Pastor, older church members, etc. But my final word should come from God, through studying His word and prayer.

Love & prayers....

Family Movie Night

2010-04-30T17:37:00.000-07:00

Three weeks ago we instituted "Death Family Movie Night" on Friday nights. Logan and Emma get to stay up late and watch a movie of their choice (with Mom's approval!) and lay on the air mattress blown up in the living room and eat popcorn. Even though we miss Dad being a part of it, we have a wonderful time together.

I just wanted to take a few moments to remind everyone that you don't have to take expensive vacations or pay for outings or buy lots of toys. The joy of parenting is found in these everyday moments we share with our children. Sometimes we just have to turn off the computer (yes....I know, I am on the computer now) and turn off the phones (how ever many you have...I have 3, which is really 3 too many!) and enjoy some family time with each other! (Just added pic of Emma's ducky slippers because they are TOO CUTE!)

Love and prayers...

Listening

2010-04-28T17:17:00.000-07:00

I am a talker. I know...those of you who know me are stunned! But, alas, it is true. I love to talk. In fact, blogging is just another outlet for my incessant chatter. I just have so many ideas and thoughts that beg to be shared...not always great ones, but they want to be shared nonetheless! But today I was reminded that the most important thing I can do, as a friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a child of God, is listen.

"Listen, O daughter, consider and incline your ear" Psalm 45:10

God's word is full of instruction and most of it requires that we listen to what we are told. The word "listen" or "hear" is used over 500 times in the Bible (KJV)! God wants us to listen to Him! He has an important message for us!

"Now therefore, listen to me, my children; pay attention to the words of my mouth." Proverbs 7:24

I have been studying prayer in my current Bible study, but I think often we forget an important piece of the "prayer puzzle"...and that is listening. Listening for God's response to our pleas and cries for help. Sometimes we are so caught up in the asking that we forget to listen for the answer!

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

I have also been convicted of not listening to my children. I talk to them...a lot, I yell at them...more than I like to admit, but I don't often listen to them. We often complain that we don't understand our children, why they do what they do, but how often do we listen to them? How often do we sit down and ask them what they think or want?

I had a great weekend this past weekend...especially Sunday when our new friends, Laura & Matthew, from church came over and spent the afternoon at our home. But today I realized that I talked and talked and talked (somewhat desperately I fear), but did I listen? Did I ask about them, their lives, their past, their dreams, their challenges? Did I take an interest in them and their lives by asking questions and then listening to the answers? That brings up another good point...how often do we ask a question and think we already know the answer so we tune out the response? I find myself moving ahead in the conversation while the other person is speaking, formulating my response to their next questions, or my rebuttal to their response.

So my goal and challenge to you for this week is to listen....be a good listener, take an interest and reign in my tongue. To not speak while someone else is speaking, to really listen to their problems, thoughts, questions, stories, and so on and take a genuine interest in what others have to say.

Love and prayers....

Storms

2010-04-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

"And I'll praise you in this storm

and I will lift my hands

for You are who You are

no matter where I am

and every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm"

-Mark Hall

Sometimes it is hard to see God's plan when we are in the midst of a storm, but just knowing that He has me in His arms during trying times and is my shelter and rock is enough. I know that He will see me through the storms in my life, even though right now, I don't understand them.

Sunday, our pastor talked about adversity. That we should not only not run from it, but actually seek it out and linger in it, learning all that we can from the storms in our lives. Often our mentality in adversity is like that of a ship in a storm, hunker down and wait it out. Hide in the driest, safest corner and wait for the worst to pass. But that is not always what God intends for His children. He wants us not only to look back on the storm and say "what a lesson I learned", but we should see the lesson during the storm.

It is easy to look back when the storm has past and see the good that came from it, but it takes faith, rock solid faith, to say...even though you have not reached down and wiped my tears, stepped in and saved the day...I will praise you DURING this storm.

Rick and I are experiencing some storms right now in our lives and would like to ask for you to pray for us if you feel led to do so.

" O Lord my God, I cried out to You and you healed me. O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave; You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit. Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name." Psalm 30:3-4

Conflicted

2010-04-23T16:07:00.001-07:00

Like everyone, I often find my carnal side and spiritual side at odds with one another. Recently the subject of this conflict has been my role in our home. I long to fill the traditional role of wife and mother, staying at home, raising my children and keeping house. Currently, however, I am filling the role of bread-winner.

Since moving to Greensboro last year, Rick has not been able to rebuild the very successful business he had in Virginia Beach. Looking back, I see that our move to Greensboro, while it was a decision we all made together, was entirely centered on me and my job. I failed miserably in my duty to support my husband in his endeavor to rebuild his business here...unfortunately it has taken me over a year to see the folly of my ways.

Don't get me wrong, we have been blessed by God in ways we could never have imagined and many of those blessings came because of our struggles with Rick's employment and the lack of financial stability that resulted. I don't know that Rick would have heeded God's calling into ministry had he been able to re-establish his business here.

But the more I study my Bible and His guidance for women, I realize that God has called me to a ministry as well. The ministry of wife, mother, and homemaker. I need to be at home with my children. I want to be here when Rick gets home from work, with dinner prepared and ready to enjoy our time together as a family. I want to go to the grocery store, take them to doctor appointments, and run the numerous errands associated with running a household.

I also feel called to home school my children. I am less and less impressed with the quality of education in our schools today. Don't misunderstand, I have many dear friends who are teachers and I admire them and I know that hey have the best interest of the children in their hearts. However, I also feel that schools are so regulated by government now that it is more about test scores, numbers, and rankings than it is about truly developing the minds of children as individuals.

So, my friends, I ask that you pray. I know that God does not put something in our hearts without providing the way to make it happen. However, right now, He is choosing to keep the "how" of all of this to Himself. Pray that we will be patient and seek His guidance in our choices.

Love & prayers...

Down Time

2010-04-20T14:57:00.001-07:00

So here we are on Tuesday night, soccer night, and Emma, Mackenzie & I are all sick. I am so blessed to have wonderful friends that offered to take Logan to soccer so I did not have to take my girls out. It's not even 6 pm and they have both had baths and chicken soup and are snuggled up on the couch watching cartoons.

As much as I hate for them to feel bad, I love the cuddly, snugly, sweet demeanor of my girls when they don't feel well. It's a nice cool, rainy night to cuddle up together and relax in front of the TV.

So....no earth-shattering epiphanies tonight. Just a reminder to enjoy every moment together, even when it's not the moment you had planned.

Love & Prayers...

Cup Half Full?

2010-04-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

Someone recently told me that, although my blog description claims to share all the aspects of my life, I tend to be less than forthcoming with the negative parts. I realize that I often don't share my feelings of fear, hurt, anger, frustration on my blog. I suppose the reason is two-fold, I usually blog at night after everything has calmed down and I have had a chance to put the day in perspective (at that point it doesn't seem as bad as it did when I was in the middle of it!), but I also have always struggled with the concept that showing these emotions is a sign of weakness.

Truth be told, I am a big chicken. I say that with a smile, but it is an accurate description of me. I am nervous about taking my daughter to school tomorrow (usually Rick does this)...will I get lost, will I get in the right car line, will I be able to get out of the parking lot, will I know how to sign her in. Silly, insignificant things like this can paralyze me with fear. It is not so much those individual items, but the overall fear of looking stupid, of humiliation, of appearing to not be in absolute control at all times.

I have been down lately. Hurt, angry, frustrated. I have cried and cried out to God to save me from this place that I am in. I have strayed far from the path that God has laid out for me and I have been lost. Only in the past couple of days have I seen the beacon of light leading me back to shore. I have gotten back into His word and that is where I need to be. But I wanted to share my feelings with you all to let you know that I am not always happy. I am often not fine when I say I am fine.

I have been overwhelmed with life lately and have been feeling inadequate as a wife and mother and even at my job. I have frequently felt inadequate as a wife and mother, but usually I am pretty secure in my job performance...it is the one thing I do well. Having a wonderful husband like mine is often a double-edged sword, especially when you pair him with someone like me-who is afraid of everything. For a long time, he has made up for my deficits, he handles the aspects of parenting that terrify me (birthday parties with people I don't know, school drop off and pick up, soccer practice & games, etc.). But recently, recognizing that I need to put aside my irrational fears and participate in life, he has begun turning over many of these things to me...some out of necessity (he works evenings) and some not out of necessity. Unfortunately, I do not feel I measure up to him in the performance of these tasks.

I am surrounded by women who lament their husbands who don't help with the kids, don't do any housework and some that don't even work at all. I, on the other hand, am married to the male version of June Cleaver! Not only does he do these things, but he does them better than me. That is a tough pill to swallow, and it often leaves me feeling inadequate and useless. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly capable of and do contribute equally to our household, but he has often picked up where I am afraid to go on.

So there it is....all my ugly, dark, negative feelings. The walls are down, the floodgates open. I need friends and family to talk to sometimes. Someone to understand where I am and just say "It's okay, I have been there too." Moving to Greensboro was one of the best decisions we have made, but it has not been without challenges. One of those challenges is finding a network of friends that can see me at my worst and still love me. Friends that can come over when my house is a mess and my kids are nasty and I am not at my best and not judge. Hopefully this will give you some insight into me as a person and peel away another layer of protection around my heart.

Love & Prayers.

Prayer of Betty Scott Stam

2010-04-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this prayer with you. This was the daily prayer of Betty Scott Stam, a missionary in China who was executed alongside her husband while her 3-month old baby slept in a mud hut.

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life.

I give up myself, my time, my all, utterly to Thee to be Thine forever.

Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.

Use me as Thou wilt, send my where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

I am humbled by the strength and faith of this young missionary mother who sacrificed herself to share God's word.

Crazy Beautiful Life

2010-04-10T10:27:00.000-07:00

What a crazy, amazing, busy week! I can't believe this week went so fast...although it seems like it has been much more than a week since Easter.

I was out of town for business on Monday & Tuesday which always throws a wrench in our schedule. Tuesday night Logan had his first soccer practice...he had a great time and I think this will be a fun season! Wednesday night I got to just relax with the kids, a welcome break from our busy lives. Thursday night we had 2 overnight guests (Sierra, 4 & Grayson, 8) so I took 5 kids to soccer practice (for Emma & Sierra) and then fed them all and got them all to bed by 8:30, it was pretty awesome, but very exhausting.

Somehow through all of this activity we have fallen behind in laundry and housework, so today (a beautiful Saturday!) I am cleaning bathrooms and folding laundry! But that's okay-I am glad to have the time today to do it!

The weather has been beautiful. Last Sunday, the kids helped me clean the outside toys, which turned into a water fight! Our garden is coming along nicely, the strawberry plants already have little green berries. I am ready to get more plants for the garden.

All in all, life is good. Not without it's challenges, but overall good. I have, lately, found myself spending more time in worldly pursuits rather than focusing on my walk with God. I committed last night to spend time studying His word every day. I have also neglected the Love Dare which I am going to be re-focusing on as well. I definitely know when I am straying from the path God has chosen for me...and I definitely need to get back there, quickly!

Love & Prayers

Springtime!

2010-04-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

I love Spring...it is one of my favorite seasons. I love the new growth on the trees and plants, the beautiful colors of the flowers, and the birds singing. Yes, I know...cheesy, but I love it! Especially after a particularly cold and wet winter here in NC, it is nice to have warm breezes and bright sunshine to lift my spirits.

Spring is a season of growing. We have done a lot of growing in our home and we have a lot more to do. We are growing our first garden here in NC...we have planted tomatoes, strawberries (I found the first little green berries today!) and kohlrabi & I have my kitchen herb garden as well....oregano, rosemary & thyme so far. We have grown together as a family, less selfish, more helpful to one another. Rick and I have grown as a couple..again removing "I" from many of our conversations. We are eating healthier and exercising more...as a family. We have found a wonderful church home at Edgefield and are growing in our faith daily.

Today we had an Easter Egg at EBC....it was so much fun. The kids had a great time hunting for eggs and they heard the Easter story and got their picture taken with the Easter bunny. It is wonderful to have a church family like Edgefield to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior with.

We are going to check out the Greensboro Trails this weekend and take a nature hike as a family..something I would like to make a regular weekend occurrence. Logan and I did some gardening this afternoon while Rick and Emma checked out a new (to us) natural/organic grocery store.

We are definitely keeping busy. Lots going on in the next couple of months...EBC Yard Sale in a couple of weeks and our Disney Trip in May. So stay tuned for more pictures and funny tales of our kids!

One final thought...I think perhaps my favorite smell of spring/summer is sunscreen on my kids. Mackenzie had such a wonderful sun-kissed, sunscreen smell after the egg hunt today-I wish I could bottle it and put it in one of those scented oils or something!

Love & Prayers...

Going Green

2010-03-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

Lately, Rick and I have realized that we need to change our lifestyle...in a BIG way! (Okay...we have known this for years, but have now decided to take action). The general idea is to live a healthier lifestyle-more fresh foods, more exercise and activity, less processed and packaged and less time in front of the TV and computer (yes, I know I am in front of the computer right now).

But another part of this "healthier lifestyle" is reducing our "carbon footprint" and using our resources more responsibly. By being responsible consumers of our natural resources, we show our children that it is important to take care of our bodies, our spirits, and our environment. So my goal is to make changes, small & big, one at a time, towards living a more healthy and organic life.

No, I am not a "tree-hugger" or "environmental extremist". I still drive a Tahoe that gets terrible gas mileage (although I would like to trade that in on a mini-van soon), I am not throwing away all non-organic foods and I won't be paying $34/lb. for grass-fed beef. Life is about balance, the challenge (as in many aspects of my life) is deciding what is important and what can be compromised.

So for now, we are learning to use less water, turn off electronics, and grocery shop in a whole new way-in fact, I am hoping to hit the Piedmont-Triad Farmer's Market next week to pick up some fresh, locally grown, organic fruits and veggies.

Love & Prayers...

Updates

2010-03-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy week at the Death House...the weekend flew by and suddenly Monday & Tuesday are also gone. Not to mention that we are headed to Virginia Beach this coming weekend so I am trying to make sure we have clean clothes and get packed for our trip. All of this activity can escalate stress levels, especially mine, which results in short tempers. Tonight was one of those nights that I was just aggravated and cranky.

So now the kids are in bed and all is quiet and I will take some time to reflect on my day and the week so far.

Emma has another loose tooth. Mackenzie is actually using the potty at least a couple of times each day. Logan is....well, Logan is a typical 7-year old boy forced to grow up in house where he is outnumbered by girls. The weather has been spectacular the past few days and we have definitely enjoyed it. Today I also enjoyed the benefits of being able to work from home on occasion. It is nice to go and sit outside and play with your kids when you need a break from the office.

Tomorrow starts the downhill speed-race to the weekend. I have to go to Fayetteville, NC (about 2 hours) for work, and then as soon as I get home, Rick will be off to work until 12 or 1 am. We still need to reserve a rental car (our Tahoe does not have legal tags yet...yes I do procrastinate on some things!) for this weekend and pack and clean up the house.

Crazy crazy crazy....

Our garden is coming along nicely...we were a little worried that we planted too early, but the weather has been good and not too cold at night. The herbs are looking great on my back porch and I recently found a big galvanized steel tub that I am going to transplant them too as it is big enough to hold all of them and looks really cool! I have even remembered to water the plants....impressive, I know. Next weekend Rick will be putting a fence around our little garden patch to keep the animals out...I love that we live in an area that we actually have seen deer in the backyard!

Very exciting things happening in our house...but most of all, we are just enjoying the life that God has given us!

Love & Prayers...

Approval

2010-03-23T19:01:00.000-07:00

People seek approval. We work for it, desire it, demand it, need it. We search it out in all the wrong places. From birth, we are constantly seeking the approval of parents, teachers, peers, playmates....later in life, co-workers, bosses, spouses, friends. Women are particularly driven to obtain approval, but men want it too-don't deny it! But sadly, we often overlook the One we should desire approval from the most, the only One, in fact, that we should desire approval from.

I am learning and studying on being a "woman after God's own heart" and having a "heart devoted to God." I have been reading the story of when Jesus came to Martha & Mary's home for dinner. Martha busied herself preparing the meal, cleaning and cooking...all of which would gain her great approval among her peers and would even be expected of a "good homemaker". Mary, on the other hand, stopped her activity an sat and listened to the teachings of Jesus. When Martha rebuked Mary....Jesus rebuked Martha. Mary had a heart devoted to God. A heart that desired to hear His word and was devoted to spend time worshipping Him.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths" Proverbs 3:6

I desire to continually choose God, in every aspect of my life. I desire a heart that seeks Him in every decision, every day. I daily commit myself to stop and pray each time I come to a crossroads in my day, so that my path will always be in His direction.

Love & Prayers...

The Growing Season

2010-03-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here. Time for new life and growth, purging and cleaning, wiping out the cobwebs and dust to reveal the beauty and shine beneath. Today has definitely been a day to welcome Spring at our house. We started our vegetable and herb garden today....planted tomatoes, kohlrabi, and strawberries, Greek oregano, lemon thyme, and rosemary. Still have some more planting to do, but it is a good start. We cleaned up the back yard and driveway (we are challenged for outside storage space-especially for the multitude of bikes, scooters, and power wheels we own!).

The kids had a great time digging in the dirt and planting. Logan was even a big help to Rick spreading the dirt and even helped with the tiller a bit! We all had our share of sun and fresh air after what feels like the longest, coldest, grayest winter of my life! I am exhausted, but invigorated!

To top off a wonderful day of new life and growth in the garden, we went to church tonight for a Praise and Worship to celebrate new life and growth in God. It was a sweet and special time of song and prayer and fellowship at Edgefield and we enjoyed it immensely. It is wonderful to get together with our Christian brothers and sisters to renew our spirit and praise God together!

So, I pray that you have growth and new life and love in your life this happy Spring season. Get out and enjoy the sunshine and beauty of nature that God made for us!

Love & Prayers...

Relationships

2010-03-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

This past weekend (March 13-15, 2010), Rick and I spent the weekend together (without the kids-thanks Mom!) in a cabin in the mountains of Western NC. It was amazing and challenging and wonderful.

I could tell you that all we did was enjoy each other and have one romantic moment after another, but that would not be an accurate depiction of our weekend together. Sometimes it is challenging for a husband and wife to be alone together when they are used to the chaos of life with 3 children. Don't get me wrong-we love each other very much and trust me, this weekend had it's share of romantic moments. But we did have our share of disagreement as well...mainly due to unrealistic expectations and assumptions and lack of communication.

But all is now resolved and well and our marriage is better for it. We left the cabin very different people than when we got there. We spent time making decisions that will change our lives...decisions on the health and nutrition of our family, division of labor in our home, and several other "hot topics" in our relationship. We managed to talk without interruption about all kinds of things...our goals, desires, what we want for our family and each other in the future.

I learned that a "romantic getaway weekend" when you are 31 & 33 and the parents of 3 young children is very different than a "romantic getaway weekend" when you are in your early 20s and newlyweds!

I am so blessed to have had this time with my husband and to be able to reconnect with him, and connect in new ways that I never even imagined.

Love & Prayers...

Super Soccer Mom

2010-03-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

Most Moms know that with the warm spring breezes comes SOCCER SEASON! We skipped soccer last year because we had just moved and did not know of a local league for Logan to play in. But this year we have signed up both Logan and Emma with Upward at Lawndale Baptist.

I will be honest, even when Rick & I both worked full time, he did most of the soccer stuff with Logan. He did practices and I stayed home with the girls. We did Saturday games together, most of the time, but if Emma or Kenzie was not "game ready"...I always stayed home. But now that Rick is working nights, it is all me. Today was my first "challenge"...get home, change, finish homework, pack up, go to soccer sign ups, pick up dinner, feed kids, bathe kids, put kids to bed, pick up, get ready for tomorrow. Phew! I am exhausted....and invigorated. I feel more alive and involved than I have in many months.

No longer am I the "corporate mom"...sitting on the sidelines on my Blackberry, e-mailing and texting, working late or out of town. Our current situation has forced me to make some very important and life-changing decisions. Thanks to my faith in God and much prayer, I have started making the right decisions when it comes to my children. I am determined not only to be involved in soccer, but every aspect of their lives.

So now I am a consultant for Thirty-One selling personalized, customized handbags and totes, taking the kids to soccer, organizing the Easter Egg Hunt at church and working full-time...and I love every minute.

Don't misunderstand, this is not a "go me" blog. Trust me, I am the last person to think I do anything special. I know that thousands of moms everywhere (probably the ones reading this) do this stuff every day and have for years. But I have not. I have been content to let Rick take the primary role in raising our children in the past...but NO MORE! I may (and probably will) fall flat on my face a dozen times over the next few weeks. I will probably want to give up, quit, and just lay on the couch and veg, but I hope that my faith will keep me going and God and my friends and family will remind me why I do it...because I LOVE MY KIDS!

So to all the Super Moms out there...you know who you are...thank you for inspiring and encouraging me to get out of the backseat and into the driver's seat.

Love & Prayers...

Spring Is Here!

2010-03-07T11:18:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful weekend to kick off the Spring season! Saturday was filled with play-dates and a cookout with our friend Seth & his 5 children (wife Meridith was in Florida running a marathon!). Loved cooking and eating "summer" food again....hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, green bean salad, and pasta salad (okay, so maybe I went a little crazy on the salads!).

Sunday started off early again, Kenzie decided 5:45 am was wake up time again. But we had a great morning at church. Rick took Logan & Emma for haircuts after church....everyone looks so nice. Then more grilled food (barbecue chicken and beef roast...yes on the grill!) with leftover salads from yesterday.

I am looking forward to a great Bible study tonight at Edgefield then a relaxing evening at home with my wonderful husband before we jump back into the work/school week.

I have so enjoyed the beautiful sunshine and warmer temperatures this weekend and am looking forward to more of the same this week! I am reminded of God's glory and His love for me when I see His beautiful creations.

Lots to work on this week....Easter Egg Hunt for Edgefield (somehow they are trusting me to be in charge of this!) and Mom will be here Friday to stay the weekend with the kids while we go to the mountains for the weekend.

Love & Prayers....

Terrible Twos.....and Fours.....and Sevens!

2010-03-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

Mackenzie is fully into her Terrible Twos. I don't remember Logan and Emma getting this rotten, this fast....but apparently Mackenzie is advanced (at least when it comes to being naughty). Her new thing is emptying her dresser drawers when she is supposed to be napping.

Actually, there seems to be a trend in our house of making a gigantic mess whenever certain little people (Emma & Mackenzie) feel that they are not getting sufficient attention. In the past week I have found the upstairs guest bathroom torn apart, all of the blankets and toys from the living room moved into the kitchen, all of the books from Logan's room in the floor in Emma's room....and the list goes on and on and on!

Mackenzie also seems to be revisiting her infancy by not sleeping! Oh...she will go to bed at night, she passes out early (sometimes before 7 pm) because she refuses to nap, but then she is up at the crack of dawn (5:45 am today!).

I have discovered (my aged and wise self), that the "terribles" don't just apply to the twos...there is something "terrible" about pretty much every age. But the beauty of parenting is that the "wonderfuls" far outweigh the "terribles".

So that is what I leave you with on this bright and sunny Saturday morning. Yes, there will be terrible days, maybe even weeks. But there will be so many more wonderful, beautiful, happy, and satisfying days, weeks, months and years. I recently heard a saying..."without rain, we would not have rainbows". These trying moments are there for a purpose, to help us appreciate even more the "rainbows" of our lives.

Love & Prayers...

Loose Teeth & Potty Training

2010-03-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

"The time has come" the walrus said "to talk of many things...."

-Lewis Caroll (Alice in Wonderland)

I suppose everything does come in time, but some things I am just not ready for. Like Emma (my 4-year old) having her first loose tooth and Mackenzie (my 2-year old) wanting to use the potty.

It seems like just yesterday that Liz was pulling Logan's first loose tooth. He wouldn't let Mommy do it, but Ms. Liz can do anything! Now Emma has her first! She wanted to know if we could have Liz come back and pull hers too...I told her 5 hours was a little far to drive for a tooth pulling, but we could go visit them soon to which she replied "Then I will just keep my tooth until we go there." Okay then. There ya have it!

Also, going on in our house today is Mackenzie's new obsession with the bathroom. Now both Logan and Emma were 3 before they really potty trained and were well over 2 before they even showed minimal interest. But apparently Kenzie is in the fast lane to potty-land! Guess we will be purchasing an itty bitty potty this week (since she does not like falling into the big potty!).

I know it sounds terrible, but I was hoping for a few more months before she decided to tackle this particular milestone. Potty training is the final mile marker that you are forever leaving baby-land and entering toddler-ville, full of sippy cups, temper tantrums, and lots and lots of new words. I don't think I am quite ready to leave lullabies, rocking to sleep, bottles, and diapers in my past.....hmmm, stay tuned!

So, just one more reminder today. Remember to be grateful for the beautiful gifts our children are. Even though they wake us up by playing trampoline on our stomach or they unroll the toilet paper all over the house, or put stickers on the furniture...they are wonderful, beautiful blessings from God.

Love & Prayers...

Grateful

2010-03-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

Thinking back on today's events (not that it was a particularly eventful day), it was a good day. Nothing spectacular or even remarkable happened, but it was just a good, happy, productive day. I am sitting at the computer now that Rick has gone to work and the kids are in bed (more or less...Emma is sleeping on the couch!) thinking how blessed I am for so very many reasons. And how often I overlook or even take those blessings for granted.

I am working on becoming more of a "half-full" rather than "half-empty" kind of girl. I have long suffered with selfishness, which is not conducive to a happy household, especially with our current schedule and workload. But things, they are a-changin'....mostly me, I am changing. I am committed to enjoying my children, not just finding something to entertain them while I do what I want.

Tonight was a challenge...Rick had to go into work early. This would not typically be an issue, but 1 day a month, I need to work until 5:30 or 6:00 pm. Usually I am home by 5:00 so Rick can leave by 5:30, and then I often work more after the kids go to bed. But today, I needed to be working and available until at least 5:30. So it caused a bit of a problem when Rick found out he needed to leave for work at 4:30. But, I am satisfied to say, we all worked together and met the challenge. Kids were fed, bathed, entertained. Work got done with minimal stress and frustration. I even made time for stories and snuggling! All in all, a situation that typically would have resulted in yelling and frustration, ended up as a pleasant, productive evening with my sweet children.

I love this life that God has blessed me with. I love the joy and pain, the happy and sad, the challenges and rewards.

Love and prayers....

More Funny Stuff

2010-02-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

Today was a relatively rough day in the Death household. I woke up with a terrible cold and have felt awful all day. Emma also has been feeling bad, but not bad enough to be sweet and cuddly....oh no, just bad enough to be completely rotten and whiny.

So here is our conversation around lunchtime....

Me: Emma, why have you been disobedient today? Do you want to keep gettin in trouble?
Emma: Okay, Mom, I will stop being naughty.
Me: How are you going to do that?
Emma: There....I pushed my "good button" (as she pokes herself in the bum and makes a sizzle sound).

Well....that should solve it!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. A large dose of NyQuil and a good night's sleep (hopefully) are in my immediate future.

Love & Prayers.....

Funny Stuff

2010-02-27T13:18:00.000-08:00

One of the things I love most about having children is the funny things they say. I have enjoyed many "kid"-isms over the past 7 years, and now that Mackenzie is 2 and talking up a storm, I am sure there will be many more!

Recently, Logan had a project for school. He had to pick a historical black figure and write 5 interview questions/answers and create a poster and timeline of this figure's life. Many of his friends chose Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan and other popular sports and entertainment icons (although strangely no one chose Tiger Woods, hmmmm....). But Logan chose Colin Powell....LOVE THAT KID! Here is how the conversation went...

Logan: Mom, did you know that he is a 4-Star General in the Army! That is so cool!
Me: you know what is even COOLER than that? He was the Secretary of State!
Logan: Mom, being a general is way cooler than being a secretary, duh!

I stand corrected.

So, since Logan did such a super job on his Black History Project, he gets to go out to dinner with Dad at the restaurant of his choice. Logan's choice for dinner tonight is Vito's Italian Restaurant...not because he loves Italian (because usually he would rather steak or ribs), but because he is in love with the owner's daughter, Francesca. Francesca is in his class at school and is full-blooded Italian. She has had a crush on Logan since the beginning of the year, but he has recently started referring to her as his "girlfriend"....seriously, my kid has a girlfriend? I am waaaay to young for this!

We have recently purchased an iTouch, because we needed one more electronic mobile device in our home (we are now up to 3 cell phones and 3 computers and now the iTouch). So Logan and I have had fun uploading and listening to music including the song "Tik Tok" by Kesha (no, I have not yet turned into the stereotypical mom who listens to easy-listening music all day!). In the song there is a reference to Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones...so here is the conversation I had with Logan...

Logan: what's a "Mick Jagger"...do you get it at McDonald's like a mcnugget?
Me: He's a singer in a band
Logan: what band?
Me: The Rolling Stones
Logan: who are they?
Me: nevermind

So a few more funnies from my sweet baby, Mackenzie...
Whenever we turn the TV off, she clearly asks "what happened?" then proceeds to find the "mote" (Kenzie for "remote") and tell me to "fix it"!

My personal favorite is when she comes to tell me that either Logan or Emma "farted". Farting is big in our house....and we are all very well-informed when anyone has farted (not that the smell wouldn't alert us...and the entire neighborhood!).

I love kids and the funny, sweet things they say. Enjoy your kids and all of the wonder and joy they bring to life!

Friends

2010-02-16T18:20:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend was perhaps one of the best since we have moved to Carolina. My BFF, Liz & her whole family (hubby, Nick & 2 boys, Max & Sam) came to visit and we had a SPECTACULAR weekend! Liz is one of those friends that I can always count on, she is more like a sister to me...especially since I do not have any siblings! Even after living over 250 miles apart for over a year, it was like we still lived down the street. Being with her, and her family, is just easy.

On Saturday I hosted a "My Thirty-One" party that was a great success. Love the products and prices! Who doesn't love a great, inexpensive, embroidered handbag or fabulous organizing tote! Sunday we celbrated Mackenzie's 2nd Birthday (only 3 weeks late!)....it was so special having Liz and her family here for that. We had a wonderful time with close friends and family and enjoyed a FABULOUS cake from Maxie B's Bakery. The kids played like they always have, like they have not been apart for the last 4 months...it was amazing!

So I am writing tonight as a reminder to all those who have loved ones who live far away...don't lose touch! True friendship is a rare and beautiful treasure that should be guarded and cared for very carefully. I love you Schuster family....you are a wonderful gift!

Grace

2010-02-03T19:46:00.000-08:00

2/3/10

So today was day 3 of school closed due to weather and me trying to work from home. Let's just say calling it chaotic would be an understatement! Fortunately, Rick (super-husband & dad that he is), was brave enough to take all 3 of our kids, plus one of Logan's friends, to Pump-it-Up to bounce this afternoon. This had 2 fabulous benefits for me...quiet time to work and super-tired kids that went to bed early!

So...back to my purpose in writing tonight. I have felt myself moving farther and farther from God's path these last couple of weeks. I feel entirely scattered and unable to focus on anything. So tonight, as I was laying in bed with both Logan and Emma snoring next to me, I prayed. I prayed for God's forgiveness and grace. I prayed that He would direct me back onto the path He has laid out for me and settle my fragmented thoughts and feelings. I also committed myself...to making time for Him daily, and making it my #1 priority. I committed to making my husband my #2 priority as well.

Lately, Rick and I have been...well, not so very pleasant to one another. We haven't really fought or argued, but there has been an underlying tension in our home...probably as a result of lack of sleep, his new work schedule, and a little cabin fever to top it all off. As I was praying tonight, I realized that I have not been making Rick my #2 priority. Namely because I have not been making God my #1 priority. It is amazing how when one part of my life gets out of "whack", the rest of my life soon follows suit.

I have been feeling sad and lonely and hurt by Rick's actions...he tends to be a bit like a bear woken up early from hibernation when he is overtired. And I probably have a right to feel that way...to some extent. But I realized tonight that I am letting his actions determine my actions and response. I am reacting in a negative manner to his negative behavior, which makes for a very negative vibe in our house!

So I am asking for God's grace and committing to show a little grace of my own. I desire a stronger, more affectionate, and more loving relationship with my husband...and I am going to do everything in my power to make that happen. Hopefully, with positive reactions and plenty of prayer, I can change the vibe of our home.

Love & Prayers....

Sharing

2010-02-01T16:39:00.000-08:00

2/1/2010

So I thought I would share a little more about my day-to-day personal life and the daily challenges I encounter. My husband, Rick, recently started working the evening shift at his job so he leaves right about dinner time and is gone until 2 a.m. 5 days a week. This new schedule has its challenges, but also has some benefits for me. I get some personal time with the kids every night that I was lacking before and I also get some personal time (although maybe a little too much) for me.

Lately, I have been tempted (and have given into the temptation) to spend this free time watching TV or playing on the computer. Definitely not the best use of my time. I desperately need to finish my Bible study on Titus 2:3-5 (http://www.mytitus2journey.blogspot.com/), or I could at least be reading my Bible or catching up on the e-mail devotionals that I am 2 weeks behind on! But, every now and then, I just enjoy some plain old relaxation. Time spent without having to think or process anything.

I have recently been challenged at work, feeling that I don't have an impact and am not doing my job very well. As a consultant, it's hard to measure success, since I am basically paid for my opinion and cannot force anyone to actually heed my advice (hmmm....kind of like having children!).

So today, the kids were out of school and I worked from home...REALLY stressful! Every 5 minutes, "Mom, can I do this" or "Mom, can I have that". Plus, I had a lot of intense work to get done today and was not entirely happy with the progress made. On top of that...school is cancelled again tomorrow, so it promises to be a repeat of today! I think I am going to get smart about it and take the afternoon off tomorrow!

Mackenzie has definitely gotten a jump on the "terrible twos"! She is just as rotten, and cute, as she can be. She has lots of words and likes to use them all.

Logan is becoming quite a young man and has definitely moved from little boy into big stinky boy stage! He loves to play outdoors with his airsoft gun and loves sports...especially bull-riding and motocross!

Emma is quite the diva in our house. At 4-years old she is convinced that she is the center of the universe and the sun and moon set just for her! She likes to talk on her Hannah Montana cell phone to her many many friends and play with her dolls. She is the only child I know with not just an imaginary friend, but an imaginary entourage!

So that is all I have to say tonight. Stay tuned for more play-by-play action in the Death household!

Quick Thought

2010-01-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

1/18/10

So, I have just about 8 minutes before my noodles are done. The kids (total 5 including 2 that do not permanently belong to us but are here for the afternoon!) are running wild outside with Rick so I have a few free minutes to share a thought that has been with me all day.

It has been a challenging week in our house. Rick and I are still struggling with our "role reversal" and this week seemed particularly rough in that respect. But as I was praying last night, thinking back to the horrific argument we (my husband and I) had on Saturday morning, I realized that now is not the time to give up. As we walk closer to God and increase our spiritual growth, the enemy also increases his attacks.

Not only is this a reminder that we should not give into these feelings of anger and frustration because they are not of God, but we should consider this a sign that we are doing the right thing. Clearly, we have given Satan something to sit up and notice, so much that he is doing everything he can to get us off track and back on his path, not God's. So perhaps we should not look at these challenges as something to "survive", but we should look forward to them, seek them out. Because the closer we walk to God's will, the more these attacks will increase, and the more wisdom and knowledge of God we will obtain.

James 1:2-3 says "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."

So I look forward to my next round with the enemy, and the resulting patience that I know will surely follow!

Love & Prayers...

Atonement

2010-01-10T15:58:00.000-08:00

January 10, 2010

My husband was baptized today. It was a wonderful event...albeit one that six months ago neither of us considered necessary. We have both been Christians for over 3 years now. We came to Christ through Christ's Sanctified Holy Church in Chesapeake, VA in October 2006. At the time, our church did not practice water baptism, rather a process of forgiveness and sanctification. I still feel this practice is very valid and quite real.

However, when we desired to become members at Edgefield Baptist, one of the requirements was that you had to have been baptized in water. For me, this was not a problem. I was raised Southern Baptist and baptized when I was 10 years old. For Rick, being raised Catholic however, this presented an issue. Although our pastor did not doubt Rick's sanctification and salvation, it is a requirement of Edgefield Baptist Church that all members be baptized, that is to say dunked, in water.

At first, we both looked upon his baptism as simply a physical symbol of the work that had already taken place in my husband several years ago. But after experiencing the physical act of baptism today he remarked to me that he felt he had taken "the cleanest shower of his life." What an amazing blessing that God can turn a simple act of dunking one's head under water into a beautiful cleansing symbol of His love for us!

Something else happened to me today as well. I found out that I hurt a dear friend. I won't get into the details...for they are far to personal, but I feel I should share how much it sorrowed me to know that my thoughtless "blogging" had hurt this friend. Often we type messages via e-mail, text, Facebook, or blogs and because we are not physically confronted with the person or people we are addressing, we fail to consider the impact our words, or lack thereof, may have. Sometimes it is better to put down the keyboard or text-pad and just call the person you want to talk to....or better yet, visit them in person. Our society has become so technologically connected via electronic devices that we are all becoming socially isolated.

So my missive to you tonight, my dear friends, is to call someone, visit someone. Tell them you love them in person or at least on the phone. Send them a card, with a personal message. Connect without the use of your computer or cell phone text message!

Love & Prayers....Meridath

Blown Away

2009-12-13T10:10:00.001-08:00

December 13, 2009

We had a Christmas Party at our home last night. Once everyone left and the children were in bed, Rick and I laid in bed (completely exhausted!) and talked for over an hour about the wonderful blessings God has bestowed upon us this past year.

It was just shy of 1 year ago that we moved to Greensboro, NC. We didn't know many people, and although we had a church to attend, we did not have a church "home". I have never had a lot of close friends, in fact, in the past 7 years, I have had only 1 girlfriend that I would consider a close friend...and she is more like a sister. Rick and I have often talked about how nice it would be for us to have friends where we were as comfortable one-on-one as when we did things as couples.

So here is my point....finally, I was blown away last night when I realized how God has blessed us so very much in the past year. We have wonderful friends and neighbors to share our holiday with this year and we have a new church home where we feel as though we have always been there (or at least should have been!). Our family has grown closer to God and closer to one another. In a situation wrought with challenges (financial, health, and the emotional stress of moving), God has not only seen us through the storm, but blessed us beyond our wildest imagination.

I am again drawn to the verses in Ephesians (3:20-21) "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever Amen."

How often do we think we know what we need (or want), and we ask for what we need (or want). But God knows what we need, better than we know ourselves. Not only does He provide for our needs, but the truth is that even when He does not give us what we ask for, He blesses us. How often do we ask for something and we don't get that specific thing, but we get something better along with the realization that we did not need what we asked for to begin with! Again....BLOWN AWAY!

I am so thankful for my God who loves me and my husband and children and all of the many blessings in my life. But I am also grateful for those "unanswered prayers"...which weren't really unanswered at all!

God bless you all!

Back on Track

2009-12-07T07:06:00.000-08:00

12/7/09

After 4 days off the Wii Fit, I am back on track. Walked 1.3 miles this morning in 10 minutes burning 130 calories....whoo hoo! It's only 10 am so my plan is to do this again 2 more times today. My goal is to be exercising 50 minutes per day 5 days per week, but this week I am shooting for 3o minutes per day, 3 days per week.

I have also started on another project. I am committing myself to spend time alone with God each day. Studying His word and talking to him in prayer. I am keeping a journal (sorry readers...most of these thoughts are between me and the Lord). I have started in Matthew chapter 5 with the Beatitudes. They are a wonderful guideline on the characteristics of a Christian and what God expects of us as His children. Today I was reading in Matthew 5:13-16 about being the "salt of the earth" and a "light to the world". What wonderful guidance from our Lord on our duties as His children here on earth.

Many blessings, more updates to come. Thank you for all the prayers!

Progress

2009-12-02T16:40:00.000-08:00

December 2, 2009

So, recently I have taken on a more serious attitude about my health. My parents bought us a Wii Fit for an early Christmas present and it is AWESOME! I have worked out every day for the last 3 days....not a lot, but at least a little each day. I have also been tracking my diet on a great website, www.fitday.com. It is a completely free fitness tracking site. So my goal is to lose 2.5 lbs every 2 weeks. I started on 11/29/09 and will weigh in every 2 weeks...and will keep everyone posted on my progress, good or bad!

I have been reading in the Old Testament some this week. Isaiah 41:13 says "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee." What an encouraging verse. This Christmas it means so much to me to know that God is with me, holding my hand and helping me. With Rick unemployed most of the year and now only working part time, the Christmas budget is a bit lean this year. But God is using this time to remind our family of the true meaning of Christmas. We have been focusing on His blessings and His gift of Baby Jesus this year, rather than toys and gifts and all of the commercial trappings of the holidays. He has given us this trial to teach us a lesson and in that lesson, the trial becomes insignificant!

I know that my God will provide for my family this Christmas and every day thereafter. He is right there, holding my hand and encouraging me that everything will work out to the glory of God!

Love & Prayers and Happy Holidays!

A Step in the Right Direction

2009-11-20T08:28:00.000-08:00

11/20/09

So I just got back from a walk. The first I have taken in a LONG time....I don't care to mention how long. It felt great! It's a beautiful autumn day here in North Carolina. The sun is shining, the smell of burning leaves is in the air and it is not too cold and not too warm, just right for a walk. I didn't go far, but I surpassed the goal I set for myself. My new goal is to be active every day. Take a walk, clean the house, work in the yard, just do something that gets me up and moving.

My friend Gary posted on FB today about procrastination. "Often a huge goal seems impossible to attain. We stand, immobilized, as we stare at it. However, a mighty mountain can be moved one shovel at a time." Today, I moved my first shovel-full of my mountain.

Thanks for all the support and love. Keep praying for me!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-14T08:10:00.000-08:00

November 14, 2009

So, Halloween is over...and suddenly, all the stores have their Christmas displays in full array. Trees, lights, wreaths, inflatable snowmen, and so much more abound. I must admit, I have started listening to Christmas music (yes, already) and switched out my "harvest" scented candles for "evergreen" and "mulberry" scents. I am even considering putting out a few Christmas decorations this weekend.

It seems, that in the midst of recovering from the sugar overload of Halloween and preparing for Christmas, we overlook Thanksgiving. I often feel that Thanksgiving is the "warm-up" for Christmas. We get together, eat, watch some football, complain we are full, take a nap, and then eat some more. But what about the true meaning of Thanksgiving? Christians everywhere fight to "keep the 'Christ' in Christmas". We spend time and effort trying to teach our children that Christmas is not all Santa Claus and presents, that we are to be celebrating the birth of our Savior. But how often to we reflect on the meaning of Thanksgiving?

Most of us will come together with family and friends and I am sure many prayers of thanks will be said, at least to bless the food, on Thanksgiving day. Children will make turkeys and pilgrim hats out of construction paper, but do we consider our blessings this Thanksgiving season?

Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." What a beautiful promise. Perhaps, the Pilgrims were thinking of this very scripture hundreds of years ago when they first gathered together with the Indians to celebrate. They had plenty to be anxious about...a new land, disease, a cold winter ahead, and much more. They had sacrificed much to be able to worship in a manner they felt would please God. And yet, in this anxious and terrifying time, they took a moment to thank God for His blessings.

So here we sit this holiday season, worried about money, gifts, time off from work, health, and so on, and we seem to forget this promise of God. The promise of answered prayer. The promise of peace. The next verse in Philippians (4:7) goes on to say "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." What a wonderful gift! Anything you want or need, just go to God (with thanksgiving) and He will give you peace.

So this Thanksgiving season I pray that each of you will take the time to "make your requests be known unto God" and thank Him, not just on Thanksgiving Day, but every day, for the many blessings he bestows on us.

God bless and Happy Thanksgiving!

Choices

2009-11-10T17:04:00.001-08:00

November 11, 1009

So, I had 1 good day this week and 1 bad day...at least with respect to my goal of eating healthier.

Monday I did GREAT, granola bar for breakfast, only 1 diet soda, drank lots of water. I even took my lunch and snacks to work, apple, string cheese and a sandwich. Ate a healthy,
homemade dinner with my family cooked by my wonderful mother-in-law.

Today...not so great. Chicken biscuit for breakfast, then a Whopper for lunch. Ugh. Dinner was good, roast beef, cabbage (okay, fried that in bacon fat), and corn. But I have GOT to get this Halloween candy out of my house! I just a 2 Snickers and a 3-Musketeers.

So tomorrow is another day, right. Especially since I have a doctor's appointment....my first since we moved to NC almost a year ago. So I am determined to lay it all out on the table with this new doctor and see if there is anything he can do to help me with my goal of getting healthy. All I can do is take it day-by-day....maybe even bite-by-bite and pray that God gives me the ability and will-power to make healthy choices.

Next goal....exercise. hmmmmmm.....

Submission

2009-11-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

November 8, 2009

Submission is not a word most like to apply to themselves. Society has taught us to be independent, submit to no one. But God would have us do the opposite. Submission is a common theme throughout the Bible, especially when reference is made to familial relationships.

Paul instructs in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord" (any feminists out there may want to stop reading now!). Peter takes it one step further and admonishes "Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives" (1 Peter 3:1). So obedience and submission to our husbands is not only for those equally yoked, but can be a ministry of women whose husbands have not accepted Christ. What a blessing from God, that we, as wives and mothers, can be a shining example of His love so that our husbands and children will come to know Him as well.

Don't get me wrong, I don't always like this whole "submission" thing! It is hard sometimes, especially when I know I am right! But God doesn't say "submit sometimes" or "submit when your husband is right and honorable and easy to get along with". He tasks us with submitting ALL the time, in ALL areas of our marriage.

This submissive relationship between a husband and wife is reflective of the relationship between Christ and His people. As Christians, we are called to be submissive, servants unto God and one another. By having a servant's heart towards one another, both husband and wife, we can teach our children to have that same attitude towards Christ and one another.

We often teach children the "Golden Rule", but how often do we live it? We desire and expect our children to put others first, but how often do we put others first? Submission is not a "sometimes" thing, namely because our children are watching us ALL THE TIME! They see everything we do and they learn from us...so if we are only submissive when it suits our purpose, they will be also. When we only put others before ourselves when it is convenient or makes us look good, they will also.

I am certainly challenged with submission and desire to have a servant's heart in all that I say and do. I pray that God continues to work with me in this aspect so that I am a good example to my children.

Love & Prayers!

Split Personalities

2009-11-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

November 4, 2009

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2

I sometimes feel like I have a split personality...or maybe several personalities. There is Meridath the "corporate consultant", Meridath the "wife & mother", and a few more I am sure. I came to this realization about a year ago. I noticed that I would dress and prepare differently depending upon what I was doing and who I would be with. Now...I know, everyone dresses differently based on what they are doing, but sometimes you have to look at the motivation behind how you dress and what you wear. Also, how you act and speak when you are in one situation versus another. What is the motivation behind your dress, speech, and actions?

I have been challenged this year to not be a different person at work than I am at church or home....and boy is that a challenge! It is difficult to be "in" this world, but not "of" it. But that is exactly what God challenges us to do, and expects us to do. I have to think of who I really want to be and who I want people to see...if I am embarrassed or ashamed of how I am behaving in a certain situation, then I try to decide, am I the problem, or is the situation the problem? Sometimes I have found that I act or dress a certain way because I don't think the people I am with will accept the "real" me...so that is my problem. But sometimes, God shows me that if the people I am with would not like how I dress or act when I am at home or church, then maybe I should not be spending so much time with them.

The truth of the matter is that I have spent my entire life trying to fit in...and frequently failing. It has taken me 31 years to realize that the only one I need concern myself with pleasing is God, and if I behave and dress in a manner pleasing to Him, the rest will follow. That doesn't mean that I will always "fit in", I think God sometimes gives us that feeling of social discomfort as a warning. But I will always have a place in His kingdom, and that is the ONLY thing that matters.

Love, prayers & blessings to all!

Proverbs 31

2009-10-31T15:37:00.000-07:00

October 31, 2009

I have been studying the "virtuous woman" passage in Proverbs (Proverbs 31: 10-31) and of course, find much room for improvement in my life. What a beautiful gift from God, though...a specific outline of how to be a godly and virtuous wife and mother.

Recently I have noticed I am not as close to God as I should, and want, to be. I have drifted, ever so slightly, back to the ways of the world. I have become a master of excuses....I am too tired to read, we are running too late in the morning for morning devotional, we are too busy at night for evening devotional. But this distance has taken a toll on me and my family. We are angered more easily, less tolerant and compassionate towards one another, and much more selfish.

Proverbs 31 does not allow for these excuses..."She seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants." (Proverbs 31:13-15. A godly woman works hard for her family to provide food and clothing, she is up before everyone else preparing breakfast and readying herself and her household for the day. It does not sound like a morning at my house right now! "Honey...it's 6:45! Hurry up, get the kids dressed, grab a granola bar shove them in the car and get out the door by 7:15!" This also usually includes at least 1 argument from each child..."I don't want to wear that, I don't want a granola bar, I am tired, I don't want to get up and go to school, etc." How easily this can be avoided if we prepare in advance!

Proverbs 31:25-27 says "Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." To me, there is an expectation of gentle kindness in a woman. Strong and honorable, yet wise and kind. Not harsh and angry, nor easily frustrated. I think back to when I was a child and whenever I needed a soft, kind word I looked to the women in my live (my mother and grandmother). It is my duty as a wife and mother to be the peacemaker, the quiet and gentle voice of reason in a sea of chaos that we seem to be drowning in daily with school, work, homework, meetings, and other worldly obligations.

Ultimately, I strive to live up to these standards set forth by God for in the last 2 verses is His promise "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Giver her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates." Proverbs 31:30-31. What a wonderful promise and blessing.

I have far to go and fall far short of a "virtuous woman" according to God, but I have a God who loves me and makes up for my imperfections with His perfect grace.

Back to Square One

2009-10-27T18:50:00.001-07:00

10/27/09

Well...I started this blog because I wanted to have someone or something to hold me accountable to my goal of starting a healthier lifestyle. I have talked my way out of, around, over and under that purpose, but not really done a good job of sticking to it.

This weekend, my husband and I attended the funeral of a dear friend's mother. As I watched the slide show of pictures at the memorial service, it struck me how many of those pictures, especially the ones with her granddaughter who is the same age as my oldest, were taken in the hospital. Many of her medical problems were due to an unhealthy lifestyle and were, for the most part, preventable or at least controllable.

So here I go again, back to square one. I am trusting God to go exceedingly, abundantly beyond all I can ask or think and help me to GET HEALTHY! I cannot do it on my own. I know that. It will not be easy, but most things worth having or doing are not easy. There will be challenges, obstacles, and frustrations. The devil will take this as an open invitation to attack me and my goals. But God is able.

I believe that God wants us all to be good stewards of the blessings He gives us...money, family, health, etc. I have not been a good steward of my health and body, but it is not too late. It is never too late. God wants to be in ALL parts of my life, even this one!

I pray that God will bless my goal to get healthy, that He will keep me strong and help me make wise decisions about my health. I pray that my journey, whether a success or failure or somewhere in between, will help or inspire someone who may need it.

God bless...stay tuned!

Truth

2009-10-05T15:19:00.001-07:00

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free"...John 8:32

Today I received a call from my boss that upset me a lot. I won't get into the details, but the general tone was that "so and so thinks you are too hard on this person and wants you to be more diplomatic and encouraging, rather than negative and critical". I took this very hard because I have often been labeled as not a "people person". I have prayed about this frequently and intensely over the past few years, but even more so over that past few months and I feel that God has truly changed my spirit from being judgmental and angry (mostly out of fear of being hurt) to quiet and accepting. I know He has not finished, not even close, but I certainly feel that I have changed significantly in the past year. So to hear today that I have offended more than one person I work with and have come across as critical and judgmental, was a serious blow to my self-esteem.

So God sent me our daily devotional with our children and reminded me that it matters not what the world says of me, but what God knows about me. And I committed that I would hand this over to Him to allow him to continue his work in me.

1 John 3:1 says "Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called sons of God; therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew Him not." I think God is reminding us that we should not concern ourselves with the standards of the world, but only with His standards. I am a child of God, chosen by Him to receive His gift of grace. I do not doubt His ability to create in me a new person, a compassionate, caring, kind and generous spirit.

So tonight I taught my children and God taught me....do not concern yourself with what others may say or think, but concern yourself with what God thinks. Remember that he made you just the way you are for a specific purpose, His purpose, and you are perfected in Him.

Grace

2009-10-04T17:16:00.000-07:00

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life"...John 3:16

What blessed familiar words.

I was thinking today of how to explain God's gift of salvation to my children. Logan has started thanking Jesus for dying for our sins during prayer time...and that is such a beautiful blessing. But I wonder how much he understands the magnitude of that gift. I am...well, let's just say "older" than Logan...and I still have a hard time comprehending the magnitude of what God did for me when He sent His Son....His one and only Son...to this earth to die a horrible and wretched death on the cross, just so that I could have a home in Heaven.

So here is what I thought of...imagine you are taken hostage by a foreign power, and your captors go to the President of the United States of America, arguably the most powerful person on the planet, and say "We will release this person (you) if you (the President) will sacrifice your life for them." I don't think anyone reading this has any question that it would be an unlikely trade.

But Jesus....exponentially more great and powerful than any man, laid down His life for me. And if I was the ONLY person in all time on all the earth to believe and accept His gift of grace, He would still die for me. How amazing!

I think sometimes we forget, or underplay, or have a hard time comprehending that Jesus didn't die for the group of people labeled "Christians", He did not sacrifice himself on the cross for "the Church"; He died for me. Just me. And you. Just you. And all that He asks in return is your faith in Him. A personal, individual, daily walk with Christ. Not on Sunday, not in church, not at Wednesday night Bible study, but in the car on the way to work, in the board meeting, in the kitchen cooking lunch for the kids, every minute of every day.

I recently read about a lake in Minnesota that is only warm for about 8 weeks in the summer. It is a glacier-fed lake and even at its warmest, only about the top 10 inches are really comfortably warm for swimming. I don't want to be like that lake, I want to be warm to the deepest depths of my being. I want to be enveloped in the heat of the Son, and warmed to the core, every day of my life.

My goal this week is to walk every day with God. Take a few minutes out of each day to spend some personal, close, individual time with Him.

Love and Prayers....

Faith

2009-09-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have posted. I was not sure for a while what I should say, if anything. But tonight, God has led me here to this computer and this post.

It is quiet in my house. I am restless, but not for the reasons I usually can't sleep. Tonight I feel that God has something for me to say...so here I am.

I have been reading a lot of God's word lately...drinking it in, studying it, praying it. I have been drawn to Paul's letters, specifically Ephesians. There are 2 verses that I keep coming back to over and over. They hold such promise and reassurance....

The first is Ephesians 2:8-9..."For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God. Not of works, lest any man should boast."
What a blessed promise He gives us in these verses. Paul makes it clear that there is NOTHING we can do to deserve God's love and an eternal home in heaven, but God gives it to us....it is his GIFT of grace through faith.

We (my family and I) have had a challenging year. The move to North Carolina has been both difficult and rewarding. God has truly blessed us in many ways and has definitely changed our hearts. It's amazing how He can take something that you think is a great idea...YOUR great idea...and turn it into such a blessing, but for none of the reasons you thought it would be. And then you realize, it was always HIS great idea.

Onto my next verse...which is quickly becoming my favorite of all time. "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."...Ephesians 3:20-21.

Wow! EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY....that's big stuff! Above all that we ask OR THINK...can you imagine that God cannot only give us what we ask for in prayer, but even those things that we don't ask for. Maybe we are afraid to ask, or we think they are too small, or too big. But if we just THINK it, He can DO it...amazing. But there is more...a catch, if you will, "according to the power that worketh in us." There's that "faith" thing again...God is able, but we have to truly believe with all of our heart and all of our soul that He is able.

So does this mean that all we have to do is ask and believe that He can and He will? Well....there is a little thing called "sovreignty"...God is able, but is not always willing. Sometime what we ask for is not in His plan, and may even work against His plan. That's where the faith comes in, we have to believe that He can, but be prepared that He won't, and even when He doesn't, we still believe that He can!

I don't know if this will help anyone, but I felt led by God to share my thoughts and feelings on these verses with you.

Love & Prayers...

Challenges

2009-07-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

7/21/09

I have recently faced a series of challenges in my life. I will not get specific as I would rather some of the details remain private, but I will share my story of how I fell and was raised up again by a most loving and generous God.

Lately I have felt a bit like Peter in the storm when he failed to trust in God's saving grace and took his eyes off of Jesus for just a moment and started to sink. I was sinking, I looked away, and I doubted. And God loved me anyways. I was the prodigal, knocking at His door for the hundreth, maybe thousandth time. Begging forgiveness, begging for just a place with the swine, and He welcomed me home with open arms and wrapped me in his warm and loving embrace.

It is hard, in these times of economic hardship and negative news, to see God's work in our world. But He is there, watching, waiting for us to call out to Him, to remember that we need His guidance and love in our lives.

So, while I am still in the midst of trials and tribulations, I have been renewed by His love for me. I have been reminded that He is there and can save us no matter how bad things are, we just have to ask and listen. The truth is, God ALWAYS answers prayer, but you have to stop asking long enough to hear the response.

God Bless!

Rough Waters

2009-07-11T12:52:00.001-07:00

7/11/09

It has been a rough week. We are still struggling financially...Rick is losing work because of lack of rain rather than picking up new work. The hot water heater in our house burst on Tuesday night so we woke up Wednesday morning to a flood in our downstairs. Fortunately, none of our personal possessions were damaged and our landlord will be taking care of all of the repairs. It will be nice to have new floors, but in the meantime we are living in a construction zone which is challenging with 3 children. I feel like I took my eyes off of God for just a moment and doubt and fear crept in imperceptibly and suddenly I am sinking in the waves of a very rough sea.

But I know that my God will not fail me. It is easy to let the fear and doubt take control, but then that would be letting something other than God control my life, and that is not what I want. So we will no longer live with the regrets from the past, but we will learn from our mistakes and press onward to the goal, remembering that our treasure is not here on earth, but an eternal home in Heaven.

"But lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven,where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt and where thieves do not break through or steal; for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:20-21

Feeling Good

2009-07-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

7/3/09

Okay...so I am feeling super today. I finally allowed myself a little pampering and oh how I have missed it. I went to the salon today...yes, I finally took time to find one here in Greensboro...had my hair washed and cut and styled and a fabulous pedicure. There is definitely something to be said for caring for the outside to feel good on the inside.

On top of that, I took the day off of work and spent a wonderful morning with Mackenzie. We played on the floor, we sang songs, and played tickle monster and made wonderful funny faces at each other. Then I spent the evening with Emma and Mackenzie while the boys went to a movie. It was a girly bonding day and it was wonderful!

Of course, now it is the witching hour in our house when 4-year olds get nasty and babies get tired. Well, I guess that's my cue to go and intervene and possibly start bedtime!

So lesson for today....a little pampering and "exterior" care can go a long way towards feeling happy and healthy.

New Road

2009-06-30T16:12:00.000-07:00

6/30/09

So today I think I will turn my "blogging" down a new road. I will continue to include information about my journey to wellness, both physical and spiritual, but I feel that since that is just one part of my very full life, I should expand my content.

Today was rough. I am always challenged when I am working at my building in Burlington. Does everyone have that? A project, task, or duty at work that just sucks the life out of you? But I am coming off a great weekend. We went home to Virginia Beach and spent the weekend just hanging around with my BFF Liz and her kids. The kids were super, we had no schedule, and we had an awesome time. It was one of those weekends that you wish would never end.

I did not look forward to coming home or going back to work. I knew it would be a tough, although short, week. I am so glad we have a holiday weekend coming up. So ready for that! I am hoping to find something fun for the kids to do this weekend and definitely would love to see some fireworks (besides the ones that occur daily at bedtime!).

I am home alone tonight with the kids, Rick is working (yay!). I am so jealous of him sometimes, being home with the kids 3 days a week. I know it is hard for him because he wants full time work, but I miss the kids so much when I am gone. I feel like I miss so much.

Emma is turning into quite the little lady....she has a cell phone (fake, of course) and purse. She talks for hours every day to Liz and Renee and Danielle and Austin on her cell phone, it is too cute.

Logan lost another tooth this week and another is really wiggly...he is growing up way too fast.

Mackenzie is as cute as ever and has more words...she has a lot to say (although most of it sounds like Chinese).

Well...I will be enjoying my evening with my kids. Just one last thought....life is not about having what you want, but wanting what you have.

Slacking

2009-06-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

6/25/09

Wow! I have really neglected my blog and myself in the last month. I have fallen off the proverbial wagon and just hibernated. But I am back now with a new goal. We have a family vacation to Orlando, FL planned in November and I want to be healthy and happy and able to play with my kids by then! So...on with the eating fresh food and walking at least 3 times a week (for starters). And back to reading my Bible and walking daily with God, because I slacked on that too!

Not much time to write, have to go get the girls from daycare and plan our evening, but I will be posting more!

New Goals

2009-05-19T16:36:00.000-07:00

5/19/09

Well, it's been a few days since I have written. I pretty much met my goals last week, save the exercise goal. I did not eat fast food, had less than 1 diet soda per day, definitely drank plenty of water. I have also read my Bible at least once a day if not more and have done a devotional at least every other day.

So, time for new goals. This week I am focusing on being a more worthy woman of God. I want to be a shining example of His works. I want to uplift my friends and family, not bring them down. Most of all, I want to be a calm, quiet, consistent, and patient wife and mother. I want my husband and children to be at peace in my presence. I want to bring happiness and joy to those around me, especially my family. I know I cannot do this without God's guidance, so my scripture references will be along these lines for the next few days.

So goals for the upcoming week:
-seek God's wisdom and guidance to be a better wife and mother
-eat fresh fruit or vegetables every day
-go for a walk at least once this week (hey...I have to start somewhere)
-speak softly and calmly at all times and remember that I love being a Mom!

Restless

2009-05-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

5/13/09

I wasn't going to blog tonight, but thought it might help my restlessness. Not much on the "diet" front (I hate to use that word, but it's all I could think of for the moment). I have been spiritually restless tonight though. I have a lot on my mind and can't seem to put it aside to get some rest. So here I am, reading my Bible and writing down my thoughts.

"Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing" James 1:3-4.

As I read this scripture, I think about the trials I have experienced, in the past and recently. I know that in every trial, there is a blessing that God has for us. I used to think that we often wouldn't see the blessing until we made it through the trial and came out on the other side. But I think the part about "let patience have her perfect work" is about recognizing the blessing while you are in the midst of the trial. I want to be an example of God's work and his blessings in that even though I experience challenges, I not only survive them, but thrive througout them.

So now I am going to bed to get some rest and take on tomorrow's challenges with a bright outlook. Love & Prayers....

Statistics

2009-05-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

5/11/09

I want to give a little insight into one of the many reasons I started this blog. About 3 years ago, I was considering having gastric bypass surgery. I felt if I could just get a jump-start on losing the weight, that I could keep it off. I consulted with my doctor and she referred me to a seminar run by a group of bariatric surgeons. My husband and I went to the seminar and when it was over I was ready to go, I was going to have the surgery and be done with this weight problem forever! One piece of information from that seminar has stuck in my memory for over 3 years....they said that less than 1% of people who lose weight by diet and exercise are successful in keeping it off long term. I thought, well why bother to try the traditional method when you are doomed to fail anyways?

Then, I found out my insurance did not cover weight loss surgery, or any weight loss intervention for that matter. My hopes of ever losing weight were dashed forever. I was destined to be one of the 99% that would ride the weight loss/gain roller-coaster for the rest of my life. I certainly did not have $38k to pay privately for the surgery (although I considered mortgaging my house for the money).

That was the beginning of my "giving up". Anytime I would be encouraged to eat healthier, join a gym, exercise more, etc., a little voice in my head would say "why bother, 1% is pretty long odds". Now I know that voice was Satan. Keeping me from even trying to succeed and certainly keeping me from taking my request to the One who ALWAYS succeeds!

But now I have come to a decision. I can be the 1%, and even if I do ride the roller-coaster for a while, at least I will be trying! I may not have long-term success (20 years or more, by the way, is what the statistic considered long term), but I may not live 20 more years, so then what would that matter?

Don't let statistics box you in, they are often skewed to serve the purpose of the person or organization reporting them. God doesn't operate on statistics, and neither should we.

So here I am, I have done some things right this past weekend and some things wrong. I haven't had any fast food (save the 1 salad on Saturday), I have not had more than 1 diet soda per day, but I have not drunk enough water and I had a brownie tonight (which I don't necessarily think is a failure...but more on that some other time). I have not exercised formally, but I did clean the house from top to bottom and chase 3 kids around all weekend, which should count for something. Most importantly, I am communicating with God and reading His word and finding strength in that. And that may be the most important acheivement of all.

God is not a guest

2009-05-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

5/10/09

"This then is the message which we have heard of him and declare unto you, that God is a light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not walk in the truth: but if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us." 1 John 1:5-9

I was reading this last night and it made me think of something a dear friend told me recently....God does not want to be a guest in our lives, he wants to take up permanent residence. He doesn't just want to see the "company-ready" rooms, he wants to see the dark, dirty corners, the unfolded laundry, the hall closet jammed with too many toys, sports equipment, etc.

Sometimes, okay often, I don't let God into those areas of my life that aren't "company ready". I am definitely guilty of that with my health and weight. I would make excuses why I didn't need God to help with that part of my life. I told myself it was more important to be comfortable with who I was (weight and all) than to try to fit some mold society made for me. That is true to a point, but now it has become an excuse. God wants me to love myself for me...just the way I am, but accepting who I am has brought to light that I need to change my lifestyle to be in line with God's plan for me as well. I am mistreating His creation and that is definitely not in line with His plan.

So, I did well yesterday. Didn't get to take that walk (we had a severe thunderstorm, thought it best not to get struck by lightening), but I think I burned some pretty good calories cleaning the baseboards! I ate well, not perfect, but better.

Today is a new day and a new opportunity!

Challenges

2009-05-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

5/9/09
Okay...so today has been challenging. Started off good...I was up early, cleaned the kitchen, steamed the floors, folded the laundry, even cleaned the baseboards and chair rails. Keeping my "resolutions" is harder than I thought. I did pretty good for breakfast, had 2 small (silver dollar) pancakes (homemade) with just a tiny bit of syrup and some fresh strawberries for breakfast. We were out at lunchtime with 4 kids (ours plus Logan's friend, Adam) which necessitated lunch at a fast food restaurant. I did okay, with a chicken taco salad from Taco Bell with no dressing and I didn't eat the shell. I REALLY wanted a cheeseburger, though......ugh!

The plan is to have grilled chicken for dinner tonight and take a walk when it cools off some.....stay tuned!